My journey to discover the meaning of true, biblical hope began with a breast cancer diagnosis. Throughout these years, I’ve had to answer the question that we will all answer at some point: how can I have hope when my situation feels hopeless?
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I’ve spent the last three years studying the scripture, asking questions of those older and wiser, reading everything I can get my hands on about hope (especially contrasting with the world’s version of hope). Here’s what I’ve discovered:
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Biblical Hope is:
1) unshakeable through Christ
2)grown in our hearts by knowing God in scripture
3)strengthened in prayer
4) empowered in a community of faith and
5) overflows onto others to point to the One who never fails us
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I’m currently up way too late because I had my first chemo infusion today in 14 months. The steroids in the meds are stealing my sleep tonight. But that’s ok, because I’m spending time writing about hope.
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I feel this is the message of my life- sharing the HOPE available in Christ, that it unshakeable with circumstance. Not that I’ve arrived, or hope perfectly, but I’ve been changed by true hope. A deep hope that does not disappoint. Does it always mean being happy? No- many tears shed, some today- because I had prayed I would never have to return to infusion chemo, but here we are.
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And even still, I have hope.
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Lord willing, I’m speaking twice about hope this fall to women’s groups- one in Columbia and one in Charleston. I’ll share details soon if you want to dig deeper into what true hope is, and how you can have it. If you’d be interested in coming let me know and I’ll be sure to get you information. I also know I need to share medical updates.

Thank you for praying for us today. We felt your prayers and God answered by giving us peace. The medical results were not what we hoped- the lung and sternum spots appear to be active again and grew a little bit. As Dr Layman says “this isn’t dire” but she recommends a change in treatment because she believes I’ve become resistant to Xeloda and suggests I start Ixempra, an infusion treatment, soon. It’s every 3 weeks. Our hope is steadfast even in disappointment because our Hope is in the only One who numbers my days, not medical ups & downs. However, we are processing this news- disappointed and shocked especially in light of how great I’m feeling -but we both have a peace which we know is from the Lord and through your prayers. We are grateful for your continued love and support ❤️ headed home.. can’t wait to give my children a big hug.
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“For my life He bled and died
Christ will hold me fast
Justice has been satisfied
He will hold me fast
Raised with Him to endless life
He will hold me fast
Till our faith is turned to sight
When he comes at last.
He will hold me fast.
He will hold me fast.
For my Savior loves me so,
He will hold me fast.” (The Gettys)

Health Update: I’ve been living with cancer for over 3 years now… Stage IV cancer for 18 months.
I’m so grateful that I’m feeling great these days, despite my Stage IV Cancer Diagnosis. I am so encouraged with how I’m able to live my life to the fullest, make very special memories with my family, continue in ministry work, have energy most days, and function well in my daily life. Most days I forget about the cancer, until I have to take the 3 pink pills (Xeloda) in the morning and evening.

I continue on Xeloda, an oral chemo, for 2 weeks on, 1 week off. The side effects are definitely present, but manageable.

My next scans are Tuesday, July 17 at MD Anderson. It’s been six months since I’ve seen the care team at MD Anderson (I’ve been seen by Lexington Oncology in the meantime), and I want to stay connected to my oncologist there (Dr. Layman) in addition to my oncologist here (Dr. Stillwell). I pray that Xeloda continues to be effective to hold back the cancer, but I am thankful for the options MD Anderson can offer me if that is not the case. I have many more treatment options available, not to mention clinical trials, so I’m encouraged.
My last scan was very good and thankfully I’m responding well to chemo.

I thank God that I am feeling so good these days. I’m meeting more and more women who are surviving…even thriving… with Stage IV cancer. Women with careers, busy families, and full lives. I think as time goes on you will begin to notice there is a “new face” of Stage IV Cancer. There are many of us that are living with the disease as a chronic illness we will manage the rest of our lives. The reality is at any time the chemo could stop working and we are on to the next treatment…and eventually options could run out, but in the meantime there are new cancer developments.

Ultimately I know where my hope lies. Psalm 139:16: “Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them”
God has already written every one of my days…HE alone numbers my days. What peace this brings me!

Great hope floods my soul when I look back and see God’s faithfulness along every step of this journey (and my entire life). He provides and His mercies are new every morning! His grace is sufficient for today, and will be more than enough for each day ahead, whatever it brings!

One truth I’ve discovered through this journey is that most of my fear/anxiety/worry comes when I imagine difficult days ahead (for me AND for my family)…but I realized that when I imagine the difficulty, most of the time I imagine it without the grace to match it. That’s not reality, as the grace God grants always matches the difficulty of that day. I would prefer to “store up” the grace before the difficulty, but it doesn’t work that way. The grace is there when I need it, not necessarily on the day when I envision all the worrisome possibilities. My job: trust that the future grace will be there, and be encouraged by looking back and seeing how He’s always been faithful to provide it in the past. #Godisfaithful

Hello praying friends, please forgive my lack of update! I’m finishing my 4th cycle of the oral chemo, Xeloda.

The first two cycles were at 4000mg/ day and as it accumulated the side effects got to be absolutely horrible and I could barely function. The Lord would allow me about 4 good hours a day which happened to be in the middle of the day so I was able to continue fulfilling my responsibilities but it was very rough. My oncologist was not surprised as she predicted I could not tolerate that doseage. The third and fourth cycles I’ve been at 3000 mg/ day and I feel great! My hemoglobin (red blood count) continues to drop which affects my energy so a transfusion may be in my future. Also I have burning / peeling issues with my hands and feet which is common. Otherwise I feel great!

Yesterday I had a CT scan. Thankfully for now my scans are able to be completed in Columbia. I’ll return to Houston if there is anything suspicious or something needs to change with treatment.

I’ll get results tomorrow- my oncologists would be pleased to see no progression / growth of the disease. My prayer has been for the results to be so remarkably good that the doctors are astounded, and the only explanation is that God did it. Would you join me in praying this?

I’m grateful for each and every one of you who re following my journey , praying for me, and encouraging me!! You’ll never know how much your love has meant to our family.

“To you, O Lord, I cry, and to the Lord I plead for mercy: “What profit is there in my death, if I go down to the pit? Will the dust praise you? Will it tell of your faithfulness? Hear, O Lord, and be merciful to me! O Lord, be my helper!””
‭‭Psalms‬ ‭30:8-10‬ ‭

What we are going through is indescribably difficult. I do not ever want to sugar-coat that fact. If you talk to me in real life, and we “go deep” enough, tears come quickly….and that’s ok.

But what I’ve learned, and I’m learning is that although this cancer was not a choice, how I respond to it IS a choice.

Each morning I wake up with a familiar “pit in my stomach”. I know each of you know this feeling – it’s the moment shortly after you open your eyes when you remember that horrible circumstance that is distressing you. Sleep is a relief because in those moments, at least in my dreams, cancer does not exist. When I wake, it does.

In this morning moment each day, I have a decision to make (and this decision many times throughout the day). The decision is: am I going to let this circumstance steal joy from my day? Unfortunately, sometimes I do (I’m human), when I sit too long in the “pity party” of what cancer has stolen from our family. But by God’s grace and strength, most of the day I choose joy. So in the mornings, I choose to open the Word, and saturate my mind with it until I believe the truth of what I’m reading.

But lest you start thinking “oh what a faithful and strong person she is” – let me tell you it is not my strength that enables me to make that choice each day. It is not my strong faith, but the strength of the One who my faith is in.

Cancer is not the worst that this life can bring — a life, and ultimately a death withOUT faith in Jesus is the worst. This life is but a blink – like one grain of sand on the seashore of eternity. Through faith in Jesus, I have full assurance that nothing that happens this side of heaven will change the 100, 500, 1 million year plan for me. That is where my ultimate hope lies – although it is a continual process and preaching this Gospel to myself to believe it day after day and let if impact my actions.

Have you ever seen the most gorgeous sunset, or stood at the edge of the Grand Canyon, or stared in awe at the ocean, feet on the shore while waves lap at your ankles…or the moment your firstborn child is placed in your arms?

An experience that is common to all mankind is AWE. We were created for it…we cannot deny it. In that moment, something blows through our soul to remind us “there is more than this”.. often it is a quiet whisper that we can drown out with our smartphones (we attempt to photograph this moment and in no way can our tiny screen do it justice). This is because our hearts were created for eternity. Ecclesiastes 3:11 says “God has set eternity in the hearts of man”.

The worst that life can bring is living a life where you’re not connected with the One who created You for a purpose. The worst that life can bring is to live distracted – pushing that feeling down. The worst is to ignore the still, small voice of the One who is pursuing you…even now.

Many who read this will say “yes! I agree!”! We might say “faith is an important part of my life” , yet we live like this world is all there is. (I regretfully put myself in this category at times). We allow our children’s activities, our material possessions, our career advancement, others opinions of us, (fill in the blank) to crowd out the most important reason we are here.

This incredible God, who made this beautiful world, put awe in our hearts, created you and created me for a dual purpose. We were made to glorify God and enjoy Him forever.

To enjoy Him forever starts today – not when we get to heaven. Jesus came so that we might have life, and have it more abundantly (John 10:10).

And as WE enjoy Him as our greatest desire – as our true treasure, our lives bring Him glory – and others can “taste and see that He is good” (Psalm 34:8) as we shine our light for His glory!

I did not intend to write this “novel” – and I applaud you if you got to the end of this. I sat down to write a medical update and share prayers for the week ahead (which I will do soon)…God had other plans for me this day. I have an urgency to share this, so that maybe even one person who may not be walking with God might come to know Him, through faith in Jesus, or walk more closely hand in hand with Jesus – enjoying Him, glorifying Him. It’s why we are here. That is the only way I can have joy in my days. It’s Jesus.

If this is you and you would like to talk more, please email me at bturnersc@gmail.com. I am slow responding to Facebook messages because I’m not on Facebook as much these days so email is a better way to reach me.

“those who know your name put their trust in you,
for you, O Lord, have not forsaken those who seek you”
Psalm 9:10

“The better God is known, the more He is trusted.” – Matthew Henry

Still waiting and trusting…

Justin and I will be heading back to Houston next week on Wednesday for further testing and biopsies. A critical part of the pathology study came back indeterminate (the Her2neu status). After Dr. Layman did some digging with the pathologists, it was determined that there was not enough tissue. I will have a core biopsy (instead of fine needle) of the lymph nodes. While in Houston I’ll also have a biopsy of the sternum and right lung to get clear answer on those suspicious spots (which may or may not be radiation inflammation).

The past few weeks have been a roller coaster. I’m weary of this whole process in addition to the daily demands of life. I’m thankful to have had a “Selah Day” this past Saturday. (Selah means “pause and reflect”). I was renewed while spending a chunk of the day in solitude and quiet reflection/prayer – looking back at 2017 and praising God for His faithfulness and looking ahead to 2018. It has been my tradition to ask the Lord for a “word for the year”.

This year the word He gave me is “through”. I wouldn’t have chosen this word – to be honest I don’t really like it. I realized that often we pray for the Lord to take us AROUND affliction and trouble, but sometimes in His perfect plan He walks with us THROUGH it. My verse for the year is Isaiah 43:2 “When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you.”

Trusting Him to walk with us through the waters; to provide sustaining strength through the rivers; protection through the fire and renewal through the flames.

Continually grateful for your love and support. Your messages here are such an encouragement to me — I read every one!

I will post specific prayers in another post —

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This devotional below is from John Piper’s “Solid Joys”. It was of great encouragement to me. I’m learning in these days to delight in the grace SUPPLIED, not despair in the grace DENIED.

below written by John Piper
“Grace Denied and Supplied”

Through many tribulations we must enter the kingdom of God. (Acts 14:22)

The need for inner strength arises not just from the depletions of everyday stress, but from the suffering and afflictions that come from time to time. And they do come.

Suffering is inevitably added to heart-weariness on the way to heaven. When it comes, the heart may waver and the narrow way that leads to life may look impossibly hard. It’s hard enough to have a narrow road and steep hills that test the old jalopy’s strength to the limit. But what shall we do when the car breaks down?

Paul cried out three times with this question because of some affliction in his life. He asked for relief from his thorn in the flesh. But God’s grace did not come in the form he asked. It came in another form. Christ answered, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness” (2 Corinthians 12:9).

Here we see grace given in the form of Christ’s sustaining power in unrelieved affliction — one grace given, we could say, within the circle of another grace denied. And Paul responded with faith in the sufficiency of this future grace: “Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me” (2 Corinthians 12:9).

God often blesses us with a “grace given” in the circle of “grace denied.”

For example, on a beastly hot day in July, the water pump on our car stopped working, and twenty miles from any town we were stranded on the interstate in Tennessee.

I had prayed that morning that the car would work well and that we would come to our destination safely. Now the car had died. The grace of trouble-free travel had been denied. No one was stopping as we stood around our car. Then my son Abraham (about eleven at the time) said, “Daddy, we should pray.” So we bowed behind the car and asked God for some future grace — a help in time of need. When we looked up, a pickup truck had pulled over.

The driver was a mechanic who worked about twenty miles away. He said he would be willing to go get the parts and come back and fix the car. I rode with him to town and was able to share the gospel with him. We were on our way in about five hours.

Now the remarkable thing about that answer to our prayer is that it came inside the circle of a prayer denied. We asked for a trouble-free trip. God gave us trouble. But in the midst of a grace denied, we got a grace supplied. And I am learning to trust God’s wisdom in giving the grace that is best for me and for unbelieving mechanics and for the watching faith of eleven-year-old boys.

We should not be surprised that God gives us wonderful graces in the midst of suffering that we had asked him to spare us. He knows best how to apportion his grace for our good and for his glory.

12/30/17 update
Dear Friends,

Justin and I continue to be so grateful for your prayers and love shown to our family!

My oncologist is out of the office so we will not know anything more definitely until next week. We had a lovely Christmas where we made many special memories with those we love. This recent news is difficult but Justin and I are not allowing it to consume us. We are heartbroken but not without hope. We know nothing is impossible with God and that He will provide sufficient grace for each day ahead, no matter what it holds. The Lord renews my strength each day through His Word, and I’m mentally preaching His promises to myself throughout the day! This morning I wrote out some comforting truths in my journal.

To name a few: His grace is sufficient for each day, God is writing His perfect story in my life and in the lives of my children and Justin (for God’s glory and our joy!), His presence is always with me, this is not a surprise to God, He will provide all that I need, only the Lord numbers my days, nothing is impossible with God! You, Oh Lord, are enough for me.

I’m meditating on these truths as we take down Christmas decorations. Thank you for continuing to lift up our family!

God also led me to this passage today ~ a familiar passage that meant much to me in 2015. Reading today with fresh eyes! It is amazing that nothing ~ NOT ONE THING on earth can take away the renewing work that God is doing within me through this! Praise His name!
I pray it is an encouragement to you also.

2 Corinthians 4:16-18
“So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.”

Much love to you!

Seeking Him,
Brooke

Dear praying friends,

The journey continues…The PET scan showed cancerous activity in my left lymph nodes and a biopsy confirmed. Thankfully the left breast and right side are all clear. (Right breast and all right nodes were surgically removed in June 2017). A small spot in my right lung lit up and a small spot in my sternum. Doctors suspect the sternum and lung spots are inflammation from radiation which is common (and not cancer). To confirm the sternum and lung are not cancer I had a CT scan which will get a more accurate look at these areas. I’ll get results next week.

The first way to attack this will be chemo, once the detailed pathology report comes back with the specific markers which will determine the best treatment plan.

Justin and I are shocked, disappointed, devastated. Specifically the thought of chemo again is difficult news! But God is holding us fast. By His grace, we do not lose heart! Although circumstances are not at all what we would have chosen, we have confidence that God will continue to provide ALL that we need even through the valley of suffering…Especially through the valley of suffering. It brings me great comfort to know that although this is a surprise to us, it is not a surprise to our unchanging God. Although we do not understand, we are called to trust Him; not to lean on our own understanding but in all our ways acknowledge Him and He will make our paths straight (Proverbs 3:5-6). We are confident in God’s goodness, even through tears.

The words of the song in the video have ministered to me deeply- especially John Piper’s spoken word in the middle of the song.
I’m sure there will be more words from me as we process this news, but for now please know how grateful we are to have your love and prayers with us on this journey.

Praises- no distant disease; that I was able to get a CT scan Thursday afternoon so we can still get home for Christmas celebrations with family

Pray- that the CT scan reveals that the spots on sternum and lung are not cancer! Pray for the Lord to be near to me and my family as we process this news. Pray for a joy filled Christmas overflowing with the hope of Christ: Emmanuel, God with us