What we are going through is indescribably difficult. I do not ever want to sugar-coat that fact. If you talk to me in real life, and we “go deep” enough, tears come quickly….and that’s ok.
But what I’ve learned, and I’m learning is that although this cancer was not a choice, how I respond to it IS a choice.
Each morning I wake up with a familiar “pit in my stomach”. I know each of you know this feeling – it’s the moment shortly after you open your eyes when you remember that horrible circumstance that is distressing you. Sleep is a relief because in those moments, at least in my dreams, cancer does not exist. When I wake, it does.
In this morning moment each day, I have a decision to make (and this decision many times throughout the day). The decision is: am I going to let this circumstance steal joy from my day? Unfortunately, sometimes I do (I’m human), when I sit too long in the “pity party” of what cancer has stolen from our family. But by God’s grace and strength, most of the day I choose joy. So in the mornings, I choose to open the Word, and saturate my mind with it until I believe the truth of what I’m reading.
But lest you start thinking “oh what a faithful and strong person she is” – let me tell you it is not my strength that enables me to make that choice each day. It is not my strong faith, but the strength of the One who my faith is in.
Cancer is not the worst that this life can bring — a life, and ultimately a death withOUT faith in Jesus is the worst. This life is but a blink – like one grain of sand on the seashore of eternity. Through faith in Jesus, I have full assurance that nothing that happens this side of heaven will change the 100, 500, 1 million year plan for me. That is where my ultimate hope lies – although it is a continual process and preaching this Gospel to myself to believe it day after day and let if impact my actions.
Have you ever seen the most gorgeous sunset, or stood at the edge of the Grand Canyon, or stared in awe at the ocean, feet on the shore while waves lap at your ankles…or the moment your firstborn child is placed in your arms?
An experience that is common to all mankind is AWE. We were created for it…we cannot deny it. In that moment, something blows through our soul to remind us “there is more than this”.. often it is a quiet whisper that we can drown out with our smartphones (we attempt to photograph this moment and in no way can our tiny screen do it justice). This is because our hearts were created for eternity. Ecclesiastes 3:11 says “God has set eternity in the hearts of man”.
The worst that life can bring is living a life where you’re not connected with the One who created You for a purpose. The worst that life can bring is to live distracted – pushing that feeling down. The worst is to ignore the still, small voice of the One who is pursuing you…even now.
Many who read this will say “yes! I agree!”! We might say “faith is an important part of my life” , yet we live like this world is all there is. (I regretfully put myself in this category at times). We allow our children’s activities, our material possessions, our career advancement, others opinions of us, (fill in the blank) to crowd out the most important reason we are here.
This incredible God, who made this beautiful world, put awe in our hearts, created you and created me for a dual purpose. We were made to glorify God and enjoy Him forever.
To enjoy Him forever starts today – not when we get to heaven. Jesus came so that we might have life, and have it more abundantly (John 10:10).
And as WE enjoy Him as our greatest desire – as our true treasure, our lives bring Him glory – and others can “taste and see that He is good” (Psalm 34:8) as we shine our light for His glory!
I did not intend to write this “novel” – and I applaud you if you got to the end of this. I sat down to write a medical update and share prayers for the week ahead (which I will do soon)…God had other plans for me this day. I have an urgency to share this, so that maybe even one person who may not be walking with God might come to know Him, through faith in Jesus, or walk more closely hand in hand with Jesus – enjoying Him, glorifying Him. It’s why we are here. That is the only way I can have joy in my days. It’s Jesus.
If this is you and you would like to talk more, please email me at bturnersc@gmail.com. I am slow responding to Facebook messages because I’m not on Facebook as much these days so email is a better way to reach me.
“those who know your name put their trust in you,
for you, O Lord, have not forsaken those who seek you”
Psalm 9:10
“The better God is known, the more He is trusted.” – Matthew Henry
