Breast Cancer — Page 2

Pathology results

October 16, 2015 by Brooke ·

Dear Friends, thank you so much for covering me in prayer these past few weeks. I have felt your prayers and I have felt sustained and provided for at every turn in this journey.

I wanted to share an update with you : we received some unfortunate pathology results last Thursday 10/8. Although my lymph nodes were totally clear (praise!), there is unfortunately still a non-invasive type of cancer called DCIS present in my right breast.

Another surgery will be necessary. What type/when is TBD. This will push the timeline back for radiation . After some tears and much praying, I’m grateful for a peace that passes understanding!

Dr Tucker, the other surgeons and oncologists at Lexington all agree that the recommendation is a “re-excision”. That would be a similar surgery to my last one, without the lymph node involvement. She is open to performing a mastectomy if I desire, but reminded me of the long process / risks / possible complications. There is no survival benefit or recurrence benefit to a mastectomy in my case. She said with current research and my type of cancer there is absolutely NO benefit to doing such a radical surgery. Radiation is a critical part of my treatment and an amputated/ reconstructed breast is much more difficult to radiate because 9of the delicate skin. This is a big piece of the equation. Recurrence rate no matter what type of surgery she does is 8%.

When I first heard this, it was difficult, nearly impossible to believe. Afterall, wouldn’t a mastectomy be more proactive & successful than a lumpectomy? That was certainly my logic, but whereas an automatic mastectomy used to be the go-to course of treatment, there has been much research to support that in SOME cases (like mine), a lumpectomy plus radiation is actually the better choice.

We will meet with her again on Oct 28 to finalize plans and schedule. The surgery would be sometime in November. (I have a trip planned first weekend so definitely after that). Radiation still ahead, timing of that will depend on what type of surgery I have. Between now and Oct 28 I will be praying and some fasting to see what GOD’s plan is. I want His voice to be loudest.

I’m also researching the importance of food on our healing from the inside out. I’ve watched countless documentaries and read many blogs and will be making some significant lifestyle changes to keep the cancer away. More on this later.

Thank you for journeying with me. The journey will just be longer than expected, but I’m so thankful For how God has revealed Himself along the journey and I know He will continue to. He is good and His mercy will endure. Prayers for wisdom greatly appreciated! I love each of you dearly and I’m so thankful for how you hold my arms up in this battle and help me FIGHT with JOY! the Joy of the Lord is my strength!

James 1:5 “If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him.”

His Grace (still) Abounds!

Brooke

Filed Under: His Grace Abounds - Original Blog · Tagged With: Breast Cancer

Surgery recap

October 3, 2015 by Brooke ·

Hi blog readers!

Today as I write, a cold rain is falling all over the state, flooding many areas. Many friends of mine are in Clemson getting ready to watch them play (hopefully beat) Notre Dame. My hubby is at a friends house watching the many football games on TV today. My kiddos are spending the day with my parents. And as for me…..I’ve got the house ALL to myself! This is a rare treat, as I can play praise music as loud as I want! 🙂 Thanks to some generous friends who gave me iTunes gift cards, I just downloaded 2 new albums. (in case you were wondering – Christy Nockles “Let it Be Jesus”, and Passion’s “Even so Come”…both I highly recommend). I’m enjoying this time reading, journalling, and actually writing a LONG overdue blog post.

When I log on to write a blog post, I often have this temptation to go back to the last post and try to recap everything that has happened since I last wrote. Often that overwhelms me since I don’t write very frequently and because there is so much going on in my life and my heart. Instead of treating this blog as a chronological history of this cancer journey, I view it more as a photo-book with snapshots from the journey.

So here’s my surgery snapshot 🙂

Last Thursday, October 1, I had surgery: a lumpectomy/partial mastectomy and sentinel node biopsy. Yes, that’s a mouthful. Everything went well and although I’m still in pain, it is not unbearable and mostly under control with pain meds (which make me a little loopy and sleepy). So if this blog post does not make much sense you will know why 🙂

I do want to rewind and share about the bumpy week I had leading up to surgery, and how the surgery almost wasn’t.

Monday I got a call from the school nurse that Samuel had a fever at school. I took him to the doctor and he was diagnosed with strep throat. Immediately I started praying (and others prayed) that I wouldn’t catch it because I knew I couldn’t get sick going into surgery. Monday was just a crazy day all together…one of those days where it felt like everything was going wrong. From sickness, to traffic, to computers and copy machines acting crazy. I was preparing for a time of discipleship with my precious high school girls that was scheduled for Monday night, and God had laid something heavy on my heart to do with them in God’s Word, and I could just see the enemy trying to thwart God’s plans! But praise GOD – the discipleship meeting happened and was a sweet sweet time of growth… and GOD Prevailed and His Word went out. I crashed late Monday night, heart full, and feeling great…still praying against the sickness spreading.

Tuesday afternoon in a very short timeframe I went from feeling well to feeling awful. My throat started hurting terribly and I felt feverish. Justin had to completely take care of the children Tuesday night – I felt terrible and started getting nervous about whether the surgery was going to happen. I called Dr. Tucker’s office (the surgeon), and the nurse said Dr. Tucker wanted to give it overnight and instructed me to call back Wednesday morning if I still felt poorly. I rested, and prayed that I felt better Wednesday morning.

Wednesday I was scheduled to be at the hospital all afternoon for pre-op procedures and appointments. I didn’t want to go through those procedures/appointments if the surgery had to be postponed. By Wednesday morning, my throat was hurting worse than ever. Dr. Tucker got on the phone herself with me and assured me that we could go forward with the surgery if I was open to it. At that time I didn’t have a fever so I decided to move forward with it. I really did not want to postpone the surgery. I was thankful.

So I headed over to Lexington Medical Center for the appointments and as the day went on, I felt worse and worse. By the end of the day, I could hardly sit up in the waiting room and was just about to ask a nurse to find me a room to lie down in and wait. I asked the nurse to take my temp and it was 100.1, which honestly was lower than I expected. The nurse called Dr. Tucker’s office once more to give her a heads up. I finally finished and was so ready to drive straight home and crawl in bed. My throat felt like I’d swallowed knives, and I could tell my fever was getting worse.

By the time i got home, my fever was up to 102.4. I took some Tylenol and went straight to bed. That night Dr. Tucker personally called me from her cell phone to check on me. I thought that was so sweet. By that time my fever had reduced, and although my throat was still very sore we both felt ok with moving forward with surgery the next morning. After the back and forth all day in my mind, praying for wisdom about what to do and wondering what was going to happen, I was so thankful to go to bed and know that surgery would happen the next day.

I felt so well cared for on the day of surgery. The doctors and nurses were so attentive and caring. Pastor Ropp came and prayed with me. Justin was right by my side in pre-op and recovery. My parents took great care of the children. And I had so many family and friends praying for me, texting words of encouragement and well wishes. I don’t think it was any coincidence that my surgery was on the first day of October: breast cancer awareness month. (it’s also my sister’s birthday month) 🙂 The month of October will forever be changed for me, and I will never look at a pink ribbon the same again.

Within a week we will know the pathology results, and I’m boldly praying that there is NO CANCER in the breast tissue or lymph nodes they removed!

Overall, this week has had its ups and downs -but I’m SO thankful that the surgery is behind me. Next step: radiation! ….. to start early to mid November. I will have 7 weeks of radiation, each weekday (35 sessions). Around the beginning of 2016 I should be finished with all of my treatments! (Except the herceptin infusion I will continue to get every 3 weeks till April). I can’t believe how far God has brought me.

Thank you for your continued prayers and love!

Psalm 62:5-8 (Message)

God, the one and only—
    I’ll wait as long as he says.
Everything I hope for comes from him,
    so why not?
He’s solid rock under my feet,
    breathing room for my soul,
An impregnable castle:
    I’m set for life.

My help and glory are in God
    —granite-strength and safe-harbor-God—
So trust him absolutely, people;
    lay your lives on the line for him.
    God is a safe place to be.

His Grace Abounds,

Brooke

Filed Under: His Grace Abounds - Original Blog · Tagged With: Breast Cancer

PRAISES!

September 5, 2015 by Brooke ·

PRAISE! My 18 weeks of chemo is COMPLETE!! No “mo” chemo! 🙂

PRAISE! The worst of the side effects of this final round of chemo seem to be over and I’m feeling better every day.

PRAISE! The results of the MRI were remarkable. All that appeared were the tags they had inserted during the initial biopsy. An ultrasound confirmed there is NO SIGN OF TUMOR!!!

PRAISE! Surgery has been scheduled for Thursday, October 1 and I have a complete peace about the details of this surgery. I will try to make another post with details.

PRAISE! God continues to use this cancer journey in a powerful way in my own life: revealing sin, refining me, and allowing me to come to a deeper heart knowledge of who God is and His character.

I am so grateful for each of you who take time to pray for me. We have been overwhelmed by your love and support for me and our entire family. We appreciate each expression of love, and every comment and message on Facebook, text, blog comment, and email. Please know I read every single one and God uses those words to uplift and encourage me!

Psalm 103

Bless the Lord, O my soul,
    and all that is within me,
    bless his holy name!
²Bless the Lord, O my soul,
    and forget not all his benefits,
³who forgives all your iniquity,
    who heals all your diseases,
⁴who redeems your life from the pit,
    who crowns you with steadfast love and mercy,
⁵who satisfies you with good
    so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s.

⁶The Lord works righteousness
    and justice for all who are oppressed.
⁷He made known his ways to Moses,
    his acts to the people of Israel.
⁸The Lord is merciful and gracious,
    slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love.
⁹He will not always chide,
    nor will he keep his anger forever.
¹⁰He does not deal with us according to our sins,
    nor repay us according to our iniquities.
¹¹For as high as the heavens are above the earth,
    so great is his steadfast love toward those who fear him;
¹²as far as the east is from the west,
    so far does he remove our transgressions from us.
¹³As a father shows compassion to his children,
    so the Lord shows compassion to those who fear him.
¹⁴For he knows our frame;
    he remembers that we are dust.

¹⁵As for man, his days are like grass;
    he flourishes like a flower of the field;
¹⁶for the wind passes over it, and it is gone,
    and its place knows it no more.
¹⁷But the steadfast love of the Lord is from everlasting to everlasting on those who fear him,
    and his righteousness to children’s children,
¹⁸to those who keep his covenant
    and remember to do his commandments.
¹⁹The Lord has established his throne in the heavens,
    and his kingdom rules over all.

²⁰Bless the Lord, O you his angels,
    you mighty ones who do his word,
    obeying the voice of his word!
²¹Bless the Lord, all his hosts,
    his ministers, who do his will!
²²Bless the Lord, all his works,
    in all places of his dominion.
Bless the Lord, O my soul!

Filed Under: His Grace Abounds - Original Blog · Tagged With: Breast Cancer, Chemo

Daily life, Chemo # 5 and Prayer Requests

August 6, 2015 by Brooke ·

{All Sufficient Grace, part 2 blog post still to come!}

Hi Friends!!

Although my words have been few here on “His Grace Abounds”, I want you to know that I’m always “writing” blog posts in my head! It’s getting them from my head to my laptop that is the challenge these days. The Lord continues to reveal so much to me about Himself through this journey through the valley of Cancer. As I mentioned before, when I’m feeling good I want to squeeze every bit of goodness with my children and husband- taking advantage of being able to get out and make memories with my people! During the yucky times it’s very difficult to do much more than rest.

But often, as I’m just doing life, the Lord impresses a truth to my heart that I want to share immediately! And usually I share that on social media…instagram and/or facebook. It’s quick and easy to share a quick photo or a brief reflection through my phone instead of cracking open the ole laptop! I realized that not everyone who reads my blog follows me on IG and FB (and that’s ok! I still vacillate on my own feelings about social media!). If you would like to follow me on either one, here are my social media names you can search for:

Instagram: brooketurnersc

Facebook: Brooke Arnold Turner

Recap of Chemo 4 cycle

I had BIG chemo #4 on July 16. I went back to the clinic pretty much every other day for a week and a half to receive fluids, nutrients, and anti-nausea meds. I also had home infusions during the weekend directly following chemo. THESE CHANGES MADE ALL THE DIFFERENCE!!!!

Cycle four was BY FAR the best cycle. I was able to eat and did not spend one full day in the bed! I only got sick a few times. Many people have asked “why didn’t they do this from the beginning since it made you feel so much better?” Great question. Every patient is completely different and respond differently to this poison they are pumping through our veins. There is a process to figure out what works. We tried many, many nausea (and other) meds to try to tame my side effects at home, and it took a while to see what wasn’t working. This isn’t typical protocol to be in the clinic 3-4 hours every other day for a week and a half. It’s very time consuming but completely worth it. (And I get to see my sweet and spunky nurse more which is always a treat!)

Daily Life

A little bit of “daily life” and some of the fun things we enjoyed as a family while I was feeling well: LOTS of pool time, Justin and I had a couple of amazing date nights, and I got to take Selah to her first theatre show!

date night at Colas

Selah and me before Mary Poppins at the Town Theatre. {Samuel wasn’t interested and Hannah was too young for that length of show!}

We made it a “mostly” girls night with several friends (including my sister who was in town from Houston with her children!). I say “mostly” girls night because my friend BB brought her son Everett. I know he was in heaven surrounded by girls 🙂

I’ve mentioned before that a cancer diagnosis gives a person a new perspective in life. Our family was big on “memory making” before, but now we are even more so. We treasure special times of doing fun, out-of-the-ordinary things. We also treasure our daily routine life in a whole new way. This is one way that cancer is a gift! And I especially cherish the days where my health allows me just to be out of bed and out of the house! I’ve had lots of these days recently and I’m so thankful.

Chemo #5

Yesterday, 8/5 was BIG chemo #5. I cannot believe that my next one will be my LAST BIG CHEMO and I get to ring the bell to celebrate the completion of this most difficult part of my journey. Oh, I can’t wait to ring that bell and give Myra (my nurse) the biggest hug ever!! And of course celebrate with my wonderful family and friends who have been beside me every step of the way!

Some of you may be wondering, what do I mean when I say “BIG Chemo”? Every 3 weeks I have to go in for my BIG chemo. I receive 4 types of chemo drugs, in addition to fluids, Benadryl, anti-nausea, etc. The 4 types of chemo I receive (in this order, I believe) are herceptin, perjeta, taxotere and carboplatin. That day I’m in the clinic from 8am – 3pm at least.

On the 2 Wednesdays in between the “BIG Chemo” I go to the clinic for what we call “little chemo”; I go in to receive only the herceptin (and possibly fluids, anti-nausea etc). After my last BIG chemo on Aug 26, I’ll have no more BIG chemos, and my little herceptins will space out to every three weeks. I will go every three weeks up until April of 2016. Herceptin has very few side effects.

My chemo #5 went great yesterday. I enjoyed time with several special friends!

Justin was traveling for work yesterday so my dear friend Lori picked me up REALLY early and took me to chemo and stayed nearly the whole day!

one of the most precious of my kindred sisters in Christ, Maria, brought Lori & me lunch and visited. She is one of the most faithful prayer warriors and encouragers I am blessed to know and the Lord has accomplished SO much through our friendship. I could write a whole blog 🙂 I love her so much.

It was great to catch up with my friend of almost 3 DECADES, Sarah! Life happened and we hadn’t seen each other in two years so it was great to catch up and spend time together. Sarah and I grew up together, went to school together, and even were both Zetas at Clemson.

I also visited with Marie (a cancer patient I met last time but we forgot to get a picture!)

The only “surprise” of the day was the my plasma numbers were too low; to the point that I almost was not able to get treated. They want my plasma to be over 100 in order to give a patient chemo, and mine was 94. Myra had to consult with Dr. Stillwell and thankfully she allowed me to get treated. (If she had said “no”, they would wait one more weak and let my body bounce back a little more). My red blood count and hemoglobin continue to be on the very low range and close to where I might need a blood transfusion. My magnesium and potassium continue to be very low also, no matter how much I try to eat foods rich in these nutrients. This is where we are seeing the cumulative effect of the drugs on my body. I am AMAZED and count it a miracle that I have felt as good physically as I have the past few weeks, amidst what is going on inside my body.

Today, Thursday 8/6 I went back to the clinic for fluids, anti-nausea, etc and my neulasta shot (white blood cell booster shot). A friend from college, Ashlee (Carmichael) Moses and I had reconnected after TEN YEARS, and she brought me lunch and visited. That was by far the highlight of my time at the clinic today! I’m so excited she lives in Columbia now and we can catch up more frequnetly! Ashlee was my “big sister” in our sorority at Clemson.

So far after chemo # 5 I’m feeling well and I pray it continues.

Thank you all for your continued prayers and support….we are so well loved by our “village!”

Praises and Prayers:

*PRAISE for how well cycle 4 went; that I felt mostly good and was able to make special memories with my family

*PRAISE that the Lord continues to use cancer to reveal Himself to me, reveal sin, prune me, and make me more like His Son…burning away the dross so more of Him can shine through

*PRAYER~ a scripture you could pray over me is Phillippians 3:8. I especially love the Amplified version: “I count everything as loss compared to the possession of the priceless privilege (the overwhelming preciousness, the surpassing worth, and supreme advantage) of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord and of progressively becoming more deeply and intimately acquainted with Him [of perceiving and recognizing and understanding Him more fully and clearly].” The prayer of my heart is that through every part of my life, I am able to know Christ more fully and clearly through it. I pray through cancer I come to a deeper heart knowledge of who He is to me.

*BOLDLY PRAY~ that this 5th cycle would be as manageable as the 4th cycle! God is good either way, but I pray for another “easy” cycle! Pray against nausea, weakness, and vomiting. Pray that I could continue to eat!

*PRAYER~ that my plasma numbers stay up enough so that I am able to have my FINAL big chemo on 8/26. Also pray for hemoglobin and red blood count to stay at a good level.

*PRAYER~for wisdom and discernment as we begin to consider surgery options. We want the loudest voices to be the Lord and our trusted Doctors. Many many things to consider. {more on this later- but some type of surgery will occur likely in October)

*PRAYER ~(unrelated to cancer!) for Samuel and Selah as they start Kindergarten at Center for Knowledge (CFK-Main Campus) on 8/19. Pray for a seamless transition and joyful hearts!

Thank you, my faithful prayer warriors!

His grace abounds,

Brooke

Filed Under: His Grace Abounds - Original Blog · Tagged With: Breast Cancer, Chemo, Daily Life

All Sufficient Grace (part 1)

July 20, 2015 by Brooke ·

“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 2 Corinthians 12:9

I feel led to share a significant part of this journey with you tonight. This is part 1 of 2 (or maybe 3) 🙂

My words flow out of a heart that is full and overflowing with the presence and joy of the Lord. Psalm 16:11 says “in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.” His presence and joy ALWAYS co-exist! If I’m lacking in joy, I can always attribute it to a lack of time with the Lord. When the distractions of life overtake me (whether it’s the usual stuff of life or hard circumstances) and when my eyes start focusing more on those things than Jesus, my joy shrivels! Each and every time!

I feel that’s what happened to me in the weeks surrounding my third treatment. There were some dark days which took me to a dark valley – physically, spiritually, emotionally. I was still reading God’s Word and praying, but it just felt dry. I couldn’t FEEL God’s presence. Can anyone relate? I sought comfort in the Gospel – with a true heart knowledge that I was 100% carried by our precious Lord in these times and knowing that He simply wanted me to learn what it meant to truly rest in His finished work on the cross and His all carrying arms.

God was still teaching me through these dark days. He spoke a truth into my heart: “Faith isn’t faith if it is always FELT.” Those “mountain top” moments are amazing, but not how God intends for us to live life every day. Because at some point our faith goes deeper than our feelings. It’s in these times that the Word of God is more precious than ever because we read of the character of God, and the promises to those of us who believe.

As Pastor George Crow (our precious Pastor at Northeast Presbyterian Church) always says “Jesus loves me this I know”…(how do I know this?)….”For the BIBLE TELLS ME SO”. It really all comes back to this, the simplest truth: trusting in what God tells us through His Word even when we don’t FEEL it. My feelings and emotions are so fickle!

During this time, however, I longed for God’s joy-filled communion as I had experienced….even in other dark valleys I had journeyed through in times past. I wanted God to restore my faith-sight that I had at the beginning of my journey, when I had the deepest conviction in my soul that GOD WAS UP TO SOMETHING. I cannot even express the deep confidence the Lord blessed me with in those early days surrounding my diagnosis. That first week was a complete BLUR. After the “It’s cancer” phone call, in the midst of my part-time ministry job, caring for my children and home, each day I found myself scheduling doctors appointments, meetings with people that we needed to share the news with face to face, etc etc. Not to mention processing the devastating news we had just learned. But in those days, I sensed God’s presence like few times before.

Through God’s grace (ONLY HIM!) my eyes were fixed squarely on the “story beneath the story”, which is the story of FAITH that God was writing in my life. This is the often unseen story, and really it’s the BIGGER story. Cancer? That’s the small story of sight. It’s not eternal. It’s transient. But the FAITH story is eternal!

I KNEW this cancer diagnosis wasn’t an accident. I was so confident that although God did not cause breast cancer, that He allowed it as His grace in my life, to do a million things in my life and others lives (some we get to see – thank you Lord – some we will never see this side of eternity)! I had JOY that the Lord had chosen me to carry this cross, and I waited expectantly to see all that God was going to do through this trial. I knew it was no accident and felt set-apart to suffer with my Lord. Joy, peace, hope.

These were my truest convictions during those crazy days – and that is ALL the LORD. NOT Brooke Turner 🙂

But in the days surrounding and after my third chemo cycle, I realized something had shifted in my heart. I realized I had shifted my sight from my Great God to my circumstances. I no longer felt the joy and peace of the Lord. My heart was full of dread for the upcoming cycles and the very real, very terrible side effects!

But last week everything changed.

Last Wednesday I had the sincere joy of entering into the presence of the Lord with 200 of my closest sisters in Christ as Northeast Presbyterian Women’s Ministries presented an event called “Summer Sisterhood: Sisters set FREE!”. I was SO excited about this event because after our Spring Women’s Retreat the Lord impressed a clear vision on my heart for what He wanted this night to be. A night of worship, transparency and God Glorifying testimonies! We arranged for two amazing female leaders to lead our time of worship (check out Called Worship – Kerri & Carrie are incredible!). Three women shared powerful testimonies of how God gave them freedom in their lives, and we even enjoyed fellowship around a delicious meal. The night was all I could have envisioned and more, thanks to my Women’s Ministry Staff- Anne, Tara & Sharon and many volunteers, who executed the event beautifully! It blessed my heart to see and give hugs to so many of my precious sisters in Christ who have held my arms up during this time.

What made the difference? Fixing my eyes BACK on Jesus, my suffering Savior, the One who knows the depth of my pain, and the One who is greater than my pain. HOW did my eyes shift back to Jesus? Through

1) TIME in WORSHIP : allowing His truth and His character to wash over me as I corporately worshipped in song with my sisters in Christ

2) TIME in FELLOWSHIP with other believers: as Romans 1:12 says: being “mutually encouraged by each other’s faith”

3) TRUTH: of who God is through His Word (in this case through the testimony of my sisters in Christ. Each testimony was saturated with the Word of God)

4) TRANSPARENCY: admitting that I don’t “have it all together” all the time. This may be a scary thought to some considering I have been called to serve as the Women’s Ministry Director of a large church…but as I grow in my journey I realize the importance of being real and vulnerable. Often one persons transparency can mean freedom for another as we exit the shadows and understand that many struggle in the same way that we do.

The BIG IDEA – the takeaway- I in myself am SO very weak, but our God is SO very strong. And often His strength is manifested and channeled to us as we enter into authentic community with other believers. God could have “pulled me out of the pit” in anyway that He wanted- but He chose to use the Summer Sisterhood event at NEPC and my sweet sisters in Christ who ministered to me there. I needed to be surrounded by my army!

Find your army, ladies! The Lord wants us in authentic community with other women – we cannot do this life alone! And if you don’t have an army of sisters in Christ – we’d love to have you join our sisterhood at Northeast Presbyterian Women’s Ministries! (not a shameless plug, only sharing because they are a treasure of my heart and I want the world to know the love of these women!)

Part 2 to come -where I will share the one day where I felt the very weakest in my own flesh but witnessed God show up in a mighty way!

Cancer update

My fourth chemo was last Thursday, 7/16. That day went well although the meds they gave me made me very drowsy and I think I was a little glazed over for most of my conversations that day!

I went in again to the clinic on Friday for fluids, anti nausea meds, etc and had a home health nurse show me how to administer the same over the weekend. YES I actually (very carefully) gave myself meds through my port this weekend!

Today (Monday) I went back to the clinic (see a pattern here), to get more fluids, meds, etc. and I’m praising God to report that I feel GOOD! I even ate lunch and dinner (hallelujah!)

I will be back at the clinic on Wednesday for more of the same, plus my weekly herceptin infusion. I’m optimistic that maybe all these trips back to get hydrated and to get anti-nausea meds through my port (which work much better than oral meds), that this may be the secret to a more manageable couple of weeks.

THANK YOU for your prayers and for journeying with me, and for allowing me to be transparent!

His grace abounds,

Brooke

Filed Under: His Grace Abounds - Original Blog · Tagged With: Breast Cancer, Chemo

Half way

July 14, 2015 by Brooke ·

This blog has been quiet! During the “bad weeks” I simply did not have the energy to post. During the “good days” I play hard with my little ones all day (and try not to be on my phone or computer too much) and at the end of the day just crash! The last several weeks have been had ups and downs…. most recently more ups than downs, which I am very thankful for.

But I want to recount the “downs” too. I’ve always wanted to approach this journey with transparency and not gloss over the hard. The hard has been very hard, but I have been seeking God’s treasures and glimpses of grace during those hard days! God’s grace is always there, and many times I need a friend to remind me of that and help me to see His grace on the darkest of days.

A huge glimmer of grace in my life is the support system that the Lord has blessed me with. Literally EVERY SINGLE DAY I receive cards in the mail, some with generous gifts and gift cards, but always with exactly the words I need to hear that day. I have already filled up one box with cards and I am filling up another. My husband and children are seeing the love and support and we will never forget this time. All of you who take the time to send me a card, reach out to me via text, make us a meal, write a Facebook message, donate via goFundme or the t-shirt campaign…my “thank you” could never be adequate to express how much gratitude I have for each one of you.

I had my third chemo treatment on Wednesday June 24th. The day after each “big chemo” I go back to the infusion clinic to get a shot of Neulasta. This shot helps counter act the drop in my white blood cell count. This is very important to keep my immunity as strong as possible! For cycle 3 they decided to also give me a bag of fluids and anti-nausea medicine to help boost me up a little and hopefully ease the side effects some.

That definitely helped on that Thursday the 25th! I even went to the pool that Thursday afternoon with some friends and I was feeling SO encouraged! Friday I seemed to feel a bit better than the Friday in previous cycles.

Then the weekend came. The chemo side effects hit in full force. I had heard that often the side effects are cumulative and get worse each time, usually plateauing after the 3rd or 4th cycle. I definitely experienced this accumulation effect, as this 3rd round was by far the worst! Nothing helped my nausea and vomiting other than lying perfectly still in bed or on the couch. Any bit of motion set it off. So I found myself lying in bed or on the couch trying to be as still as possible. I couldn’t eat – my appetite was nonexistent, but when I did often my stomach wouldn’t tolerate it, and that made me even more afraid to eat. Throwing up is no fun.

On the two Wednesdays in between my “big chemos” I go into the infusion clinic for herceptin infusions. (This means that every Wednesday I find myself at Lexington Oncology). During these “shorter chemo” days they also do labwork and take my vitals. The Wednesday after the 3rd chemo I was pretty bad off. Justin had to wheel me into the clinic in a wheelchair. When they took my vitals my resting heart rate was 155 beats per minute! I knew something wasn’t right. I got sick in front of all the other patients, which had happened before but is pretty miserable. Because I was so bad off the glimmer of grace was that I got my own private room to get my infusion that day!

Blood work revealed my potassium and magnesium were dangerously low (which could have been why my heart was racing), and after they gave me the herceptin I also received an infusion of those nutrients and fluids and anti-nausea medicine. My hemoglobin and red blood cell count has also been low. I felt much better after that, but unfortunately the nausea came back the next day.

It was a very very hard couple of weeks.

But by God’s grace, since about July 9th I’ve been feeling GREAT. I’ve actually felt better than I’ve felt since I started treatment! I believe it is God’s grace to remind me what it feels like to not feel sick and I am so thankful.

We have been soaking up family time, I had an overnight date night with Justin in Charlotte, and I went on a short road trip to Wilmington with my girls and my mom while Samuel hung out with Justin and Pop (my dad). We’ve made sweet memories. I never realized how much I took my health for granted until I got sick! I pray I never take my health for granted again.

And here I am, looking at the 4th chemo the day after tomorrow – Thursday, July 16. Praise the Lord I was able to move my chemo from Wednesday to Thursday this cycle because there is a Women’s Ministry event at NEPC tomorrow that I really wanted to attend, and I’m so excited to be there! I’m happy to say I’m halfway finished with chemo, which I believe will be be the most difficult part of this journey. Praise the Lord who has walked with me during the ups and the downs of this journey so far.

As I look ahead to chemo #4, here’s how you can thank God with me and pray for me:

~Praise God for a week of feeling really great, with plenty of energy and appetite and the sweet memories we have shared as a family

~Praise God that I can attend our Summer Sisterhood Women’s Ministry event tomorrow evening!

~Pray against nausea after this next treatment. Pray I will be able to eat, and that my potassium, magnesium, and hemoglobin would stay at healthy levels.

~Pray that I would see glimmers of grace each day, especially the difficult days!

Psalm 37:23-24

“The Lord directs the steps of the godly.
He delights in every detail of their lives.
Though they stumble, they will never fall,
for the Lord holds them by the hand.”

Filed Under: His Grace Abounds - Original Blog · Tagged With: Breast Cancer, Chemo

Take Heart

June 22, 2015 by Brooke ·

There is no doubt that there is evil in this world. We were reminded of that this past week as 9 innocent people were murdered in their church, Emmanuel AME in Charleston, an hour after welcoming a stranger into their time of bible study.

Evil should not surprise us. Even Jesus said in John 16:33 “In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.”

This cancer in my body is a form of evil. God did not orchestrate the horrific tragedy in Charleston, rather He did allow it; and similarly I believe that He did not cause this cancer to exist in my body but He did allow it.

God is both GOOD, and SOVEREIGN in ALL things. We will never see ALL the good that comes out of our suffering (only God can see the whole picture) but in His grace many times He does allow us to see some of the good!

In my last post I shared about how God has been underlining the truth that my only hope; my only ROCK in this world is Jesus. He’s the only guarantee and He is the only One who is incapable of disappointing us!

As I’ve been processing the news of the church shooting, and continuing to process my own cancer I’ve really been thinking a lot on these words. What does it mean for my only hope to be in Jesus? What does that look like, and how does it flesh out? I don’t want those just to be words that easily roll off my tongue as they have in the past.

One of the beautiful treasures of walking through cancer has been that I’ve had to wrestle with some truths that I *thought* I understood about God….even truths I have taught large groups of women! The Lord is allowing me this precious opportunity to put flesh on these truths.

So back to John 16:33 “In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.”

My hope can be in Jesus alone because He has overcome the world. He has overcome every tribulation, trial, suffering, injustice, and evil that has taken place and will ever take place.

As I go through this life – the good and the hard – His promises are there for me to cling to with all my might!

Promises like this:

He will never leave me or forsake me. He will provide all I need, all the time, according to the riches in Christ Jesus. He is preparing a place for me in heaven. Nothing can separate me from His love. I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength. By grace, through faith I have been saved from my sin and eternal separation from God. I am His masterpiece created to do works He ordained before the beginning of the world! He numbers my hairs (whether many or few) and has numbered and written my days. He can give peace, not as the world gives but peace that passes all understanding. He turns ashes into beauty, and makes ALL things work together for good. (just a sampling of the promises found in scripture….so many many more!)

NOTHING, no shooting, no disease, NO evil that is in this world can take these promises (and many many more!) away from those of us who trust in Jesus as our Lord! This is how we can overcome, through Jesus overcoming!

This is how we can “take heart”. This phrase “take heart” in John 16:33 is translated in the King James Version as “be of good cheer”. In the original language it comes from the root word meaning COURAGE or CONFIDENCE.

We can have courage and confidence to face all tribulation because Jesus has overcome. And through Him, and fellowship with Him, we can too.

This is what it means to me that Jesus is my ONLY Hope. His promises I can cling tightly to, and know without a doubt they will not slip through my fingers.

This is how I can take heart. And you can too. Today, whatever you could be going through take heart and remember Jesus has overcome.

credit: inspiringpretty.com

Prayer requests:

-my next “big chemo” is this Wednesday, 6/24. pray for peace as I approach this day! (this is Chemo #3 of 6, so after this I’ll be half way through with this part of my journey!)

-pray that taxotere does not cause another allergic reaction as it did with round 2

-Pray for minimal side effects and boldly praying that they are shorter lived this time! Specifically pray that I can manage my nausea better this time and I am able to eat

-Continue to pray that God would get all the glory from this cancer and what satan meant for evil, God will use for good in whatever ways He pleases! Pray He uses this so that I may know Him more intimately

-Praise for my “village” (all of you included) who shower me with love, support, cards daily in my mailbox and just the words of encouragement I need straight from the Lord!! No act of love goes unappreciated!!

-Praise for the “good days” I’ve had (like today)! Celebrating spending the day with my children and feeling like a “normal mom” taking them to VBS and meeting friends at the pool.

I’m so grateful for you!

Filed Under: His Grace Abounds - Original Blog · Tagged With: Breast Cancer, Ministry

middle of the marathon

June 17, 2015 by Brooke ·

Children are so honest.

A couple of mornings ago, my five year old daughter, Selah, shared that she had a dream with me in it, but it was the “regular Mommy” who was in the dream with her. She then shared, in her matter-of-fact way, that when she woke up she was happy because it was “regular Mommy” in the dream.

“Regular Mommy” is what Selah calls pre-cancer Mommy. Mommy with hair. Mommy with energy. Healthy Mommy.

And now, as I remember this, tears fill my eyes because I, too, wish “regular Mommy” was back.

Right now, I’m in the “feeling good” part of my cycle. My days are filled with pretty normal things. Errands. Grocery shopping. Pool days with friends. Other than having less stamina and my head covering on, the outside life could seem pretty normal.

I pray these days feel normal for my children because life surely isn’t normal during the ten days after chemo when I’m homebound and in bed. I’m trying my hardest to make these days as carefree and fun as possible. And I’m trying my hardest to forget, even if for a few minutes, about the black cloud of cancer.

But of course I can’t forget. All it takes is a glance in the mirror to remind me that I’m sick. That I’m in the middle, well not even quite the middle yet; of a LONG journey back to “regular Mommy”.

I was sharing with Justin last night, and after he lovingly listened to how I’ve been struggling he made the perfect analogy to the way I’ve been feeling.

He said it’s like I’m in the middle of a marathon.

I remember running the Country Music Half Marathon with my sister last April. It’s a huge race. There was so much energy at the starting line, as thousands of runners lined up to start the race in waves. I was so pumped up and just ready to DO IT! We’d been training for months and I couldn’t wait to start running.

So then we started running, and the first few miles were so easy! The momentum from the starting line carried us through and we felt really great. Then came mile six. and seven. and eight. Whoa.

By that time of day, the sun was beating down on us, and the course had us running down a less-than-scenic part of town with NO shade. And it was hilly. Rolling hill after rolling hill, after rolling hill. And the daunting part was that as we ran ahead, we could see the runners off in the distance running up and down the hills, which seemed endless. As we were huffing and puffing up one hill, just one glance ahead reminded us that it wasn’t going to get any easier any time soon. We pushed through, and finally had the joy and energy of the finish line!

11265250_10102000137031278_8950017771245839699_n

at the Country Music Half Marathon, April 2014

That’s exactly how I feel at this point in my journey. The middle of the marathon is so often the hardest part.

Right after my diagnosis, in the beginning of my journey I was all: “Let’s DO THIS!” “I’ve SO got this!” “I’m ready to kick cancer in the teeth!” There was a lot of energy and momentum as the fighter warrior came out in me.

But now, those first few miles are behind me, and all I see are hills ahead.

Hill after hill, after hill. The reality that this is my “new normal” is setting in.

I now have no idealistic notions about how it won’t be “that hard”. I KNOW the reality of what it’s like. And I still have four more chemo treatments. Then surgery. Then radiation. Then more herceptin infusions.

At best, “regular Mommy” will return about a year after that one phone call took her away.

My hope, joy, and peace? It’s not in regular Mommy returning. It can’t be! If that’s where I put all of my hope, joy, and peace, what would happen if something unexpected happened? What would happen if the cancer came back, or didn’t respond to chemo, or any number of devastating possibilities that happen to cancer patients every day.

The Lord is teaching me, as I process this part of the journey, that my hope, joy, and peace has to be in JESUS ALONE. There have been days that as I lay in bed, feeling terrible, that I envision a year from today feeling healthy and good, and back to normal. Putting this cancer nightmare behind me and never looking back. I can easily get into the midset that THAT’s what I have to look forward to….and I just need to “get through this”.

But I can’t stay there.

My hope, joy, and peace – the ROCK under my feet has to be on something more solid than the sinking sand of “kicking cancer in the teeth”. “On Christ the solid rock I stand, all other ground is sinking sand”.

Jesus, the unchanging One. The One who wrote every day of mine before it was even lived. The One through whose loving fingertips has EVERY circumstance in my life been filtered. The Lord gently reminds me that He’s in this tough part of the journey with me. Even on the days I don’t FEEL His presence, part of faith is knowing and believing with everything I have that He IS with me. He’s was in the energetic start, He will be at the glorious finish, but most importantly He’s in the difficult middle of this cancer race.

Jesus-He’s my ROCK and my running buddy….up and down the cancer hills. The middle matters, and I’m thankful I don’t run alone.

Filed Under: His Grace Abounds - Original Blog · Tagged With: Breast Cancer

From a Sister’s Heart {edition 2}

June 10, 2015 by Brooke ·

I miss her already. Somehow, by the grace of God and a really supportive husband (thanks Jon-boy!), Elizabeth arranged to return again from Houston to be here for me during the side-effects of my second chemo, and to help around the house and with the kids. I’m so grateful for the time we shared, despite the circumstances. She is amazing and I will always cherish these days in my heart. My kids absolutely LOVED their time with “silly Aunt Bea” (long explanation behind the name ;); it warmed my heart to see their relationship grow even deeper. We did have some fun and laughs too! We even had a facial night. I am so thankful for my sister! I’m posting (with permission) her next “Prayer from a sister’s heart” because I’m celebrating the sweet bond we share, that spans far beyond miles! Love you sis!!

Team Turner loves Aunt Bea!!!!

Click here to read the first edition of “From a Sister’s Heart”

written by Liz Fisher

4/27/15

Today is Monday and I have work on the brain. After a long, tough weekend, the mundane routine of work was almost welcome. Mundane Monday. So my specific thoughts and prayers today have been about work. I struggle daily, hourly with the sacrifices we make to live where and how we live and provide for our family. I miss getting to know the other moms at preschool dropoff. I miss playdates. I miss Women’s Bible Studies. I miss sweet one-on-one times with each of my children. The list goes on. And there’s always a whisper in the back of my mind asking “It is worth it..?”

But my thoughts today weren’t dwelling on our decision and my work. 8 years ago, you worked a similar job as mine. But through seeking the Lord, you heard the call that you were meant to change paths. You and Justin sacrificed to do that, too. But for that sacrifice you had the opportunity to impact hundreds of lives through bible studies, photography, and deep friendships. Then you were able to spend 4 years at home with your children as a Godly mother. And finally in this most recent chapter, the Lord has placed you in a job where the daughter that he has so perfectly formed can be a light to countless women through sharing your journey of faith. I have specifically prayed today that you would have wisdom and peace about managing your job in the coming months.

You give things your all. But so does God. He began a good work in you, and He will be faithful to complete it (Phil 1:6). So I pray today that as you did 8 years ago, you can feel the guiding hand of the Lord to make decisions on how to manage your job through this time. I urge you to listen to advice of other who have taken similar journeys, but mostly seek the Lord, from whose mouth comes wisdom and understanding (Prov 2:6).

(From Brooke) I’m so grateful for these very specific prayers. It is clear that the Lord was guiding and directing my sister’s prayers, weeks before I started treatment. This is such a reminder to me that PRAYER MATTERS!! (And also why I personally love journalling my prayers and encourage others to do the same because it is clear to see where God answers!) Im happy to share how God answered my sister’s prayers.

After my first treatment, after much prayer and seeking wise council, we made the difficult but necessary decision for me to take a temporary leave of absence from my position as Director of Women’s Ministries throughout my treatment. The pastors and staff of NEPC have been incredibly supportive and gracious and I’m so thankful for the love, support, and encouragement our family has been extended by this beautiful Body of Christ. This summer is a summer of healing and Season of Sabbath and the Lord is using it to grow me in deeper ways than He ever could without cancer. I’m especially thankful that during my “up” times I can focus on my family and children and make special memories with them. God answers prayer! I cannot wait to jump “back in the saddle” after this cancer chapter has been closed. I know this chapter will forever change me, as a woman of God, a wife, a mother, and in ministry.

Filed Under: His Grace Abounds - Original Blog · Tagged With: Breast Cancer, From A Sister's Heart, Ministry

Letter to my love

June 7, 2015 by Brooke ·

Earlier this week a friend and fellow breast cancer survivor, Angela McCall, posted an article on facebook entitled “The most overlooked characteristic of who you want to marry”. The article stated that the most overlooked characteristic is the ability to suffer well with your spouse. It inspired a letter to my love. CLICK HERE for the article that inspired this blog post

My love,

I knew that first night, almost twelve years ago, that you were the one. We met on a Fall evening on my parent’s porch, and I was immediately drawn to the ease by which you carried yourself. Self assured, but not too-much so. It was if we had known each other for years.

You had little hope in our relationship (being the practical one), as I was living in Europe at the time, but me, being the hopeless romantic knew I’d move anywhere, do anything, if you were “the one”.

That’s exactly what happened. From Austria to Atlanta and finally back to Columbia, the place I never thought I’d call home again.

Eighteen months after we met that warm October night, we were married.

It was one of the happiest nights of my life.

I couldn’t wait to spend forever with you.

We’ve been through a lot together in these first ten years of marriage. You supported me unwaveringly as I left a corporate career to start my own business. Infertility. Three babies in 19 months. You’ve been my steady ship.

And now, my love, cancer has rocked our world. I am amazed at you. You’ve been there, in the big and small ways. You’re amazing with the kids. You’ve held my hand, taken over housework, and even fed me like a little bird when I couldn’t hold my head up. You tell me I’m beautiful, even with no hair. And I truly believe you mean it.

I’m so SO thankful that the Lord chose YOU to be by my side through this suffering. I must admit, this was not a characteristic I looked for in a mate. But God knew. He hand picked you for me, knowing what was ahead. And I’m so thankful.

Watching you love me and serve me is a picture of the Gospel. I come to you, empty handed – nothing to give but a broken, needy woman. And you ….you lavish love, support, encouragement over me. And you do it WITH JOY.

The love we share is too deep for words, and even this attempt feels to shallow to express what I feel. You’re truly, the one my soul loves.

Always,

Brooke

Prayers for this week:

-PRAISE my amazing sister is here with me again until Wednesday to help with the children through these rough days. I love this time with her and cherish it even under these circumstances

-Pray that I’m able to eat without my stomach being upset too much. I can’t get as “down and out” as I did last time when I couldn’t eat!

-Pray that the children enjoy their half day camp at the YMCA in our neighborhood that they are starting tomorrow

-Pray I can REST in the Lord – He’s teaching me a lot about this these days

-Pray I fight with JOY and can see God’s new mercies each day, even through these days of feeling really bad

Thank you for praying and thank you for journeying with me.

Filed Under: His Grace Abounds - Original Blog · Tagged With: Breast Cancer, Infertility, Marriage

Pathology results

Surgery recap

PRAISES!

Daily life, Chemo # 5 and Prayer Requests

All Sufficient Grace (part 1)

Half way

Take Heart

middle of the marathon

From a Sister’s Heart {edition 2}

Letter to my love

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