Brooke’s Cancer Journey Post from January 15, 2018

January 15, 2018 by ·

What we are going through is indescribably difficult. I do not ever want to sugar-coat that fact. If you talk to me in real life, and we “go deep” enough, tears come quickly….and that’s ok.

But what I’ve learned, and I’m learning is that although this cancer was not a choice, how I respond to it IS a choice.

Each morning I wake up with a familiar “pit in my stomach”. I know each of you know this feeling – it’s the moment shortly after you open your eyes when you remember that horrible circumstance that is distressing you. Sleep is a relief because in those moments, at least in my dreams, cancer does not exist. When I wake, it does.

In this morning moment each day, I have a decision to make (and this decision many times throughout the day). The decision is: am I going to let this circumstance steal joy from my day? Unfortunately, sometimes I do (I’m human), when I sit too long in the “pity party” of what cancer has stolen from our family. But by God’s grace and strength, most of the day I choose joy. So in the mornings, I choose to open the Word, and saturate my mind with it until I believe the truth of what I’m reading.

But lest you start thinking “oh what a faithful and strong person she is” – let me tell you it is not my strength that enables me to make that choice each day. It is not my strong faith, but the strength of the One who my faith is in.

Cancer is not the worst that this life can bring — a life, and ultimately a death withOUT faith in Jesus is the worst. This life is but a blink – like one grain of sand on the seashore of eternity. Through faith in Jesus, I have full assurance that nothing that happens this side of heaven will change the 100, 500, 1 million year plan for me. That is where my ultimate hope lies – although it is a continual process and preaching this Gospel to myself to believe it day after day and let if impact my actions.

Have you ever seen the most gorgeous sunset, or stood at the edge of the Grand Canyon, or stared in awe at the ocean, feet on the shore while waves lap at your ankles…or the moment your firstborn child is placed in your arms?

An experience that is common to all mankind is AWE. We were created for it…we cannot deny it. In that moment, something blows through our soul to remind us “there is more than this”.. often it is a quiet whisper that we can drown out with our smartphones (we attempt to photograph this moment and in no way can our tiny screen do it justice). This is because our hearts were created for eternity. Ecclesiastes 3:11 says “God has set eternity in the hearts of man”.

The worst that life can bring is living a life where you’re not connected with the One who created You for a purpose. The worst that life can bring is to live distracted – pushing that feeling down. The worst is to ignore the still, small voice of the One who is pursuing you…even now.

Many who read this will say “yes! I agree!”! We might say “faith is an important part of my life” , yet we live like this world is all there is. (I regretfully put myself in this category at times). We allow our children’s activities, our material possessions, our career advancement, others opinions of us, (fill in the blank) to crowd out the most important reason we are here.

This incredible God, who made this beautiful world, put awe in our hearts, created you and created me for a dual purpose. We were made to glorify God and enjoy Him forever.

To enjoy Him forever starts today – not when we get to heaven. Jesus came so that we might have life, and have it more abundantly (John 10:10).

And as WE enjoy Him as our greatest desire – as our true treasure, our lives bring Him glory – and others can “taste and see that He is good” (Psalm 34:8) as we shine our light for His glory!

I did not intend to write this “novel” – and I applaud you if you got to the end of this. I sat down to write a medical update and share prayers for the week ahead (which I will do soon)…God had other plans for me this day. I have an urgency to share this, so that maybe even one person who may not be walking with God might come to know Him, through faith in Jesus, or walk more closely hand in hand with Jesus – enjoying Him, glorifying Him. It’s why we are here. That is the only way I can have joy in my days. It’s Jesus.

If this is you and you would like to talk more, please email me at bturnersc@gmail.com. I am slow responding to Facebook messages because I’m not on Facebook as much these days so email is a better way to reach me.

“those who know your name put their trust in you,
for you, O Lord, have not forsaken those who seek you”
Psalm 9:10

“The better God is known, the more He is trusted.” – Matthew Henry

Filed Under: Brooke Turner's Cancer Journey ·

Brooke’s Cancer Journey Post from January 9, 2018

January 9, 2018 by ·

Still waiting and trusting…

Justin and I will be heading back to Houston next week on Wednesday for further testing and biopsies. A critical part of the pathology study came back indeterminate (the Her2neu status). After Dr. Layman did some digging with the pathologists, it was determined that there was not enough tissue. I will have a core biopsy (instead of fine needle) of the lymph nodes. While in Houston I’ll also have a biopsy of the sternum and right lung to get clear answer on those suspicious spots (which may or may not be radiation inflammation).

The past few weeks have been a roller coaster. I’m weary of this whole process in addition to the daily demands of life. I’m thankful to have had a “Selah Day” this past Saturday. (Selah means “pause and reflect”). I was renewed while spending a chunk of the day in solitude and quiet reflection/prayer – looking back at 2017 and praising God for His faithfulness and looking ahead to 2018. It has been my tradition to ask the Lord for a “word for the year”.

This year the word He gave me is “through”. I wouldn’t have chosen this word – to be honest I don’t really like it. I realized that often we pray for the Lord to take us AROUND affliction and trouble, but sometimes in His perfect plan He walks with us THROUGH it. My verse for the year is Isaiah 43:2 “When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you.”

Trusting Him to walk with us through the waters; to provide sustaining strength through the rivers; protection through the fire and renewal through the flames.

Continually grateful for your love and support. Your messages here are such an encouragement to me — I read every one!

I will post specific prayers in another post —

———–
This devotional below is from John Piper’s “Solid Joys”. It was of great encouragement to me. I’m learning in these days to delight in the grace SUPPLIED, not despair in the grace DENIED.

below written by John Piper
“Grace Denied and Supplied”

Through many tribulations we must enter the kingdom of God. (Acts 14:22)

The need for inner strength arises not just from the depletions of everyday stress, but from the suffering and afflictions that come from time to time. And they do come.

Suffering is inevitably added to heart-weariness on the way to heaven. When it comes, the heart may waver and the narrow way that leads to life may look impossibly hard. It’s hard enough to have a narrow road and steep hills that test the old jalopy’s strength to the limit. But what shall we do when the car breaks down?

Paul cried out three times with this question because of some affliction in his life. He asked for relief from his thorn in the flesh. But God’s grace did not come in the form he asked. It came in another form. Christ answered, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness” (2 Corinthians 12:9).

Here we see grace given in the form of Christ’s sustaining power in unrelieved affliction — one grace given, we could say, within the circle of another grace denied. And Paul responded with faith in the sufficiency of this future grace: “Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me” (2 Corinthians 12:9).

God often blesses us with a “grace given” in the circle of “grace denied.”

For example, on a beastly hot day in July, the water pump on our car stopped working, and twenty miles from any town we were stranded on the interstate in Tennessee.

I had prayed that morning that the car would work well and that we would come to our destination safely. Now the car had died. The grace of trouble-free travel had been denied. No one was stopping as we stood around our car. Then my son Abraham (about eleven at the time) said, “Daddy, we should pray.” So we bowed behind the car and asked God for some future grace — a help in time of need. When we looked up, a pickup truck had pulled over.

The driver was a mechanic who worked about twenty miles away. He said he would be willing to go get the parts and come back and fix the car. I rode with him to town and was able to share the gospel with him. We were on our way in about five hours.

Now the remarkable thing about that answer to our prayer is that it came inside the circle of a prayer denied. We asked for a trouble-free trip. God gave us trouble. But in the midst of a grace denied, we got a grace supplied. And I am learning to trust God’s wisdom in giving the grace that is best for me and for unbelieving mechanics and for the watching faith of eleven-year-old boys.

We should not be surprised that God gives us wonderful graces in the midst of suffering that we had asked him to spare us. He knows best how to apportion his grace for our good and for his glory.

Filed Under: Brooke Turner's Cancer Journey ·

Brooke’s Cancer Journey Post from December 30, 2017

December 30, 2017 by ·

12/30/17 update
Dear Friends,

Justin and I continue to be so grateful for your prayers and love shown to our family!

My oncologist is out of the office so we will not know anything more definitely until next week. We had a lovely Christmas where we made many special memories with those we love. This recent news is difficult but Justin and I are not allowing it to consume us. We are heartbroken but not without hope. We know nothing is impossible with God and that He will provide sufficient grace for each day ahead, no matter what it holds. The Lord renews my strength each day through His Word, and I’m mentally preaching His promises to myself throughout the day! This morning I wrote out some comforting truths in my journal.

To name a few: His grace is sufficient for each day, God is writing His perfect story in my life and in the lives of my children and Justin (for God’s glory and our joy!), His presence is always with me, this is not a surprise to God, He will provide all that I need, only the Lord numbers my days, nothing is impossible with God! You, Oh Lord, are enough for me.

I’m meditating on these truths as we take down Christmas decorations. Thank you for continuing to lift up our family!

God also led me to this passage today ~ a familiar passage that meant much to me in 2015. Reading today with fresh eyes! It is amazing that nothing ~ NOT ONE THING on earth can take away the renewing work that God is doing within me through this! Praise His name!
I pray it is an encouragement to you also.

2 Corinthians 4:16-18
“So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.”

Much love to you!

Seeking Him,
Brooke

Filed Under: Brooke Turner's Cancer Journey ·

Brooke’s Cancer Journey Post from Dec 21, 2017

December 21, 2017 by ·

Dear praying friends,

The journey continues…The PET scan showed cancerous activity in my left lymph nodes and a biopsy confirmed. Thankfully the left breast and right side are all clear. (Right breast and all right nodes were surgically removed in June 2017). A small spot in my right lung lit up and a small spot in my sternum. Doctors suspect the sternum and lung spots are inflammation from radiation which is common (and not cancer). To confirm the sternum and lung are not cancer I had a CT scan which will get a more accurate look at these areas. I’ll get results next week.

The first way to attack this will be chemo, once the detailed pathology report comes back with the specific markers which will determine the best treatment plan.

Justin and I are shocked, disappointed, devastated. Specifically the thought of chemo again is difficult news! But God is holding us fast. By His grace, we do not lose heart! Although circumstances are not at all what we would have chosen, we have confidence that God will continue to provide ALL that we need even through the valley of suffering…Especially through the valley of suffering. It brings me great comfort to know that although this is a surprise to us, it is not a surprise to our unchanging God. Although we do not understand, we are called to trust Him; not to lean on our own understanding but in all our ways acknowledge Him and He will make our paths straight (Proverbs 3:5-6). We are confident in God’s goodness, even through tears.

The words of the song in the video have ministered to me deeply- especially John Piper’s spoken word in the middle of the song.
I’m sure there will be more words from me as we process this news, but for now please know how grateful we are to have your love and prayers with us on this journey.

Praises- no distant disease; that I was able to get a CT scan Thursday afternoon so we can still get home for Christmas celebrations with family

Pray- that the CT scan reveals that the spots on sternum and lung are not cancer! Pray for the Lord to be near to me and my family as we process this news. Pray for a joy filled Christmas overflowing with the hope of Christ: Emmanuel, God with us

Filed Under: Brooke Turner's Cancer Journey ·

Brooke Turner Cancer Journey 12/19/17 Post

December 21, 2017 by ·

Dear friends,

I’ve been intentionally quiet on my blog the last three months. Life has been overflowing with the beautifully regular bits of life, and each spare moment I’ve chosen to press into those closest to my heart.

I’ve been writing just as much as ever, but instead of my blog, the medium has been private journals the world may ever see….And that’s ok. What I’m learning is that quite often the deepest, richest work of the Lord is done in the quiet places that the world will never see. It’s in these dark places that the Lord deepens our roots of faith- and it’s this deep root system which allows us to withstand the storms of this life, and not topple over! The prayer I pray most over myself and my family comes from Isaiah 61:3b- that we would be deeply rooted oaks of righteousness for the display of God’s glory. We cannot be sturdy oaks without deep roots. And roots grow in the dark, unseen places.

A short update:

On September 15 I experienced one of the most joy filled moments of my life as we surprised the children with my homecoming one day earlier than they expected. Remembering the squeals and happy tears in the carpool line after school when they saw Mommy in the van at pickup can still bring tears to my eyes!

I’m feeling SO GOOD, exercising more and fueling my body with {mostly} healthy food!

The last three months have been overflowing with family life, children’s activities, ministry work, catching up with friends and family, and lots of cherishing each day!

How you can join with us in prayer:

As I write this I sit in a waiting room at MD Anderson. Today Justin and I are back in Houston for routine follow up visits and scans. We have been so grateful for your prayers along this journey!

We would appreciate so much if you could pray specifically for us over the next couple of days while we are in Houston.

Please pray:

*for all to go smoothly with the PET scan on 12/19 at 3:45pm, that doctors are able to read the images clearly

*pray for my follow up with Dr Layman on 12/20 at 11:30 where I will get results from the PET scan. Please pray BOLDLY for “NED” – “no evidence of disease!!!”

*pray for a followup with surgeon Dr Ross on 12/22 at 3:45 and that he is pleased with healing from my surgery

*Praise the Lord for my mom and mother-in-love who are watching the children.

Thank you for praying for us!! I will keep you posted as I hear results!

A time to pause and reflect:

The word Selah in Hebrew means “pause and reflect”.

Each year when December rolls around I get reflective. I intentionally STOP and consider God’s faithfulness over the prior year. This year I’ve been especially reflective, because it was a year ago that doctors told us that the cancer had returned and that it was stage IV. Here are a few words I wrote on 12/8/17. I’m posting here so you can hear how God is moving in my heart! He is faithful!

(Written 12/8/17)

A year ago I wrote the words to Psalm 18 in my journal. I woke very early that morning; my mind and heart were a humbled knot of despair and hope and uncertainty and faith. The day prior, 12/7/16, I heard the dreaded three words “You have cancer”. I was seven months out of treatment from my first cancer diagnosis, my hair was finally to my shoulders again, I was starting to run again, I had started to envision a life without the cloud of cancer. I thought I had crossed the finish line of the most difficult marathon I’d ever run, And then at once I was set back on the starting line again. This second marathon I was told would be a much tougher race- the diagnosis so serious that my Columbia physicians suggested I be seen elsewhere. On December 8, 2016 I wondered how would I get through this?
….

Today, a year later, I am here to raise my Ebenezer and say “here by Thy great help I’ve come”. In the Old Testament an Ebenezer is a “stone of help”. We see this in 1 Samuel 7:12 after God helped the Israelites defeat the mighty Philistines. Samuel “took a stone and set it up… and called its name Ebenezer; for he said “till now the Lord has helped us”
…

When I reflect on the last year and the deep, rich work the Lord has done in and through my life, the only answer to how I made it through is by the Lord’s help. Please do not look at me and see strength or faith. I pray you see the strong and faithful God. Friends it is ALL HIM, and He gets the glory.

…

Today I went on a field trip with Samuel and Selah. I’m enjoying simple joys like drinking coffee in a room lit only by the white lights of the Christmas tree and the fire. A year later, I’m still here and proclaiming God’s faithfulness in all things.

Your prayers have meant the world to me. I’m sitting in joy, and the faithfulness of my great God who never lets me go.


Thank you for being on the journey with us. I pray that you sense the peace of Emmanuel, (God with us) as we do.

With gratitude and joy,
Brooke

Filed Under: Brooke Turner's Cancer Journey, Uncategorized ·

His Help Through Harvey

September 5, 2017 by ·
Today I take a break from posting in my “Finding Hope when Your Story is Unfinished” series.  I plan to post the final blog of this series in the next several days.  In the meantime, I would like to share a testimony of how our great God has helped me over the past two weeks.
The past week and a half remind me that I’m not in control. I’m so thankful that I have a good good Father who IS in control of every single circumstance. Nothing that happens is a surprise to God!  My faith can falter. My faith can be so weak. I was reminded this week that it’s not the strength of my faith that matters, but the strength of the OBJECT of my faith.  The object of my faith is Jesus, and He is the One who is the Solid Rock beneath my feet.  

This past Sunday in Houston as a part of worship we sang these lyrics:  (interesting aside – my home church in SC worshipped to this song on Sunday as well!)

 

When darkness veils His lovely face,

I rest on His unchanging grace;
In every high and stormy gale,
My anchor holds within the veil.

His oath, His covenant, His blood
Support me in the whelming flood;
When all around my soul gives way,
He then is all my hope and stay.

On Christ, the solid Rock, I stand;
All other ground is sinking sand,
All other ground is sinking sand.

There have been frustrations, tears, and even confusion over the events of the past two weeks. But when I take a few moments to reflect back, God reveals to me His faithfulness and His power without fail – EVERY SINGLE TIME.

 
Isaiah 41:13 & 18 says
“For I, the Lord your God, hold your right hand; it is I who say to you, Fear not, I am the one who helps you. I will make the wilderness a pool of water, and the dry land springs of water.”
 
The week of 8/21 the tropical storm that was brewing in the gulf turned into Hurricane Harvey, and it became evident that the gulf coast of Texas, including Houston, would experience Harvey’s wrath.
 
I was planning a trip home to South Carolina the weekend of 8/25-8/27 so I knew I’d miss the worst of Harvey….if I could just make it home. As concern about Harvey’s hover over Houston escalated, I decided (upon strong suggestion from my dad and husband!) to fly home a day early on Thursday, 8/24. I would miss a treatment on Friday that I’d have to tack on the end, but at least I wouldn’t be stuck in Houston alone during a hurricane. I made it home late Thursday 8/24 – the kids sleeping soundly had no idea I was home a day early. I surprised them Friday morning. It was especially special because my seven year old daughter, Selah, showed me a prayer she journaled on 8/20 asking God for Mommy to come home early. She wrote “I want my mommy home like other kids mommies”. God answered her prayer. I was home.
 
It was so special to be home, but as I saw footage over the weekend my heart was so burdened for the city that means so much to me. The flooding was beyond what I could even have imagined. Streets I have become familiar with turned into rivers, homes were underwater. The city shut down. Sweet faces flashed through my mind…new friends, the radiation therapists, doctors, the other patients.
 
Sunday morning (8/27), the gravity of the situation hit me — not only what it meant for the people there, but what this meant for my treatment plan.
 
Typically radiation treatments for breast cancer are scheduled Monday thru Friday for a certain number of weeks. (Mine was 6 weeks plus three “booster” treatments). It is important that these treatments be consecutive, other than weekend days.
 
At this point on Sunday, I had already missed one treatment (Friday, for coming home early), and it looked like I wasn’t getting back to Houston any time soon. I had a flight booked to return to Houston Monday morning 8/28, but it became clear that was not going to happen. Houston airport shut down, all flights through Houston cancelled, and the airports were not planning to reopen until Thursday 8/31.
 
I did some googling (bad idea) and saw that missing 4 or more radiation treatments increased the risk of cancer recurrence. Recurrence? I’ve been there, done that, and don’t want to go through this again!
 
MD Anderson closed all operations other than their inpatient services, so we weren’t even sure when MD Anderson would open back up, much less when I’d even be able to get BACK to Houston. It was a mess.  (And my mess was only a fraction of what the people there were facing!)

roads surrounding MD Anderson

 
I enjoyed doing “regular” life at home on Monday and Tuesday…taking the children to school, going into work. It felt like regular life..other than a huge piece of my heart that was still back in Houston…concerned for the resilient Houstonians who were underwater, and also concerned for my treatment.  It was all so out of my control.
 
On Tuesday 8/29, a doctor who works with my radiation oncologist called me asking if there was any way I could make it back to Houston by Thursday 8/31. They were trying to contact staff and see if any radiation therapists could get into work. MD Anderson would still be closed, but radiation oncology got permission to treat patients who could get there, considering the time sensitive nature of our treatments. The airport would still be closed, but I knew I’d do whatever it took to get there.
 
Tuesday after this phone call was CRAZY making arrangements. We decided that I would fly into an airport near Houston, rent a car, and then attempt to drive in. Many roads were still underwater, but we were given some websites that we could use to find clear routes. We decided for Justin to travel with me to help me navigate the unknowns. We didn’t even know if my van was flooded and drivable, considering it was in an open airport lot throughout the storm.
 
Wednesday 8/30, Justin and I flew into Austin and rented a car…(and got a fun date night out in a fun city!). Thursday early we made our way into Houston. The interstates were clear, but some of the frontage roads on I-10 looked like lakes. It is indescribable. But much of the city appeared to be moving forward. We made it to my apartment (in the rental car), thanked the Lord that my apartment fared well, and then I made it to my 10:45am treatment.

out in Austin

 
After my treatment the adventure continued. Our plan was to go retrieve my van from the airport and then turn in the rental car we had rented in Austin. We breathed a sigh of relief when my van was dry and it did not appear that lot flooded. When we cranked it, the van started making a strange sound, but I chalked it up to being parked for a week.
 
I followed Justin (who was driving the rental) to the rental car return center. I waited in the van as he turned in the rental car. A few minutes later a light flashed on my dash indicating a problem. Moments later the van went dead.
 
By this time, Justin was making his way back to me. Moments earlier he had turned in the rental car, and there we were, stranded at the rental car center. The lines at the rental car center were SO LONG – so many others in Houston trying to rent cars because theirs had flooded. We were not sure if our problems were related to the flood or just a strange coincidence. Based on our limited knowledge, it seemed to be the alternator. We were told we would probably not be able to get a rental car because of the high demand. Justin tried to get back the car he had just returned moments earlier without any luck. We were thinking uber might be our only option to get around for the foreseeable future. I was thankful MD Anderson is relatively close to my apartment, so I could walk if I needed to..
 
A tow truck called, and supposedly dispatched, and we waited six hours in our van when we were finally told it could be a couple days because the tow truck companies were understandably overwhelmed. We were advised to remove valuables and hide a key inside. At least we knew someone couldn’t steal it because it was dead!
 
Justin went back to the rental car desks and praise the Lord was able to rent another car for us to use over the weekend! (That was a small miracle!)
 
We left the van, and finally six hours later, made our way back to my apartment.
 
We got word Friday late afternoon that the tow truck made it to my van and took it to the mechanic.  I found out today that my van has been repaired, and it was not related to the flood — just a fluke coincidence that the alternator decided to break.
 
I’m back in Houston now, and I’ve made up most of my missed treatments (we doubled up on Friday and staff came in on Saturday to help catch up!).
 
My final treatment is NEXT FRIDAY – 9/15–and afterwards I’ll be making my way HOME! My sister, Elizabeth, is flying to Houston next Thursday to drive home with me. I’m excited for hours and hours of special sister time!
My prayers continue for this great city of Houston, and the surrounding areas. I have seen the Body of Christ (specifically witnessed Bayou City Fellowship and City Church) rise up and be the hands and feet of Jesus.  It will be a long road of recovery; please continue to pray for the people here.
 
As I recount the events of the past two weeks I’m reminded of two things about the character of God:
 
*Our God is a God who holds our hand and NEVER lets go!
I see so many glimpses of His grace over these past two weeks. That I made it home before Harvey hit, that Justin was with me when my van broke down, that I made it back to Houston with as much ease as I did. He leads us, and guides us, and protects us as a good Father.
 
*Our God makes our difficult “wilderness journeys” more comfortable to us.
This season has been so incredibly difficult, but God has made it more tolerable by so many comforts — the extra three days I had with my family at home, generosity from family and friends, special time with my husband, a rental car available when I thought I’d be walking — see His grace?! Friends, it could always be WORSE. When we’re at our wits end in the wilderness, God provides those “springs of water” in the desert. Over the past 28 months of my cancer journey, God has provided ABUNDANT provision of “water and shade” in the wilderness.

  

Friends, these are just a few of the ways I see Him work in my days. I pray He continues to make His name great through cancer.
 
“God does great things for His people that He may be taken notice of” (Matthew Henry)
 
“I am the One who helps you, declares the LORD, your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel…And you shall rejoice in the LORD, in the Holy One of Israel you shall glory….that they may see and know, may consider and understand together, that the hand of the LORD has done this!”
Isaiah 41:14, 16, & 20
Filed Under: BrookeATurner.com ·

Finding Hope When Your Story is Unfinished: Part 4

September 5, 2017 by ·

I’m in the middle of a five part blog series called “Finding Hope when Your Future is Unfinished”.

Click here for Part 1: The Ending Will Be Good

Click here for Part 2 : Moving From Lament to Hope

Click here for Part 3: Getting to Know the Who of Hope

 

Part 4: For when Life is Completely Out of Your Control

Life can turn upside down in one heartbeat. 

April 13, 2015 during my morning quiet time, I journaled:

“Father, I worship You.  You are the Great I AM – the beginning and the end – the Creator of all, perfect Love, fullness of joy.”

I continued on, thanking God for the calling to serve the women at NEPC as Women’s Director (I had been in the ministry role for six months).

I proclaimed the Message paraphrase of Ephesians 3:20 in all caps:

“GOD CAN DO ANYTHING YOU KNOW – FAR MORE THAN I COULD EVER IMAGINE OR GUESS OR REQUEST IN MY WILDEST DREAMS!” 

I was on a “mountain top”! I remember in those days feeling so excited for all the ways God was moving and the possibilities that were ahead. I prayed about selling our home, for the heartbeat of our family, for ministry vision.

Eight days later, one flip of the journal page, and the heading is “cancer”.

In the flip of one journal page, I went from on top of the world to standing in the middle of the swirling hurricane of a cancer diagnosis. I went from a healthy 35 year old to a cancer patient who had a life threatening illness multiplying within.  I was catapulted into a chaotic world I’d never known, and the simple joys and frustrations of regular life seemed a million miles away.

April 22, 2015 – the day after being told I had breast cancer, I prayed:

“Lord, I do not know what the days ahead hold.  I am scared.  I am sad.  I am still in shock.  But I know You are with me.  I know that I am not alone….I have tasted and seen that You are good.”

I remember those first few days after being diagnosed with breast cancer in 2015.  We were scheduling numerous doctors appointments and scans. Managing the communication of my illness to people who loved me felt like a full time job.  I was beginning to process the news myself, as well as share the news with others.  I was scared feelings would get hurt if someone found out before someone else…and how would we tell the children? What did the future hold for Team Turner?

My tidy, controlled existence was now shattered, and the future went from clear and exciting to dark and foggy.

Chances are, we will all experience a life-altering moment like this.  If it hasn’t happened yet, it probably will.  So what do we DO when we are thrown into chaos and our life is complete out of our control?

We get a clue from Psalm 107: 23-30

The Psalmist describes people who “saw the deeds of the Lord”.

Some went down to the sea in ships,
    doing business on the great waters;
they saw the deeds of the Lord,
    his wondrous works in the deep

They were on a spiritual mountaintop! But in a moment, everything changed.

For he commanded and raised the stormy wind,
    which lifted up the waves of the sea.
They mounted up to heaven; they went down to the depths;
    their courage melted away in their evil plight;
they reeled and staggered like drunken men
    and were at their wits’ end.

Seemingly out of nowhere a storm comes. Instead of seeing God, they saw the waves and their “evil plight”.

But look what happens next:

Then they cried to the Lord in their trouble,
    and he delivered them from their distress.
He made the storm be still,
    and the waves of the sea were hushed.
Then they were glad that the waters were quiet,
    and he brought them to their desired haven.

Psalm 107:23-30

In the middle of the swirling storm, the crashing waves, the chaos, they cried to the Lord in their trouble.

When life is catapulted into chaos, the one thing we can do is cry out to the Lord.

So what does crying out to the Lord look like for me personally?  There are many ways people cry out to the Lord, but most often this is what it looks like in my life.  The three things I need:

My Bible, A Journal, A Pen.

When I’m in an “out of control” situation, it’s easy for me to focus on the circumstances.  I must intentionally get quiet before the Lord so that I can begin to fix my eyes back on Him.

When I enter into a time of solitude and prayer, I am reminded that even when I feel in control, I’m not. Crying out is purposeful, intentional engagement with the One who is writing my unfinished story.  This cry of desperation puts me in a posture of humility as I acknowledge that there is a good God who IS in control, and that I can trust Him.

Prayer reminds us that we are not in control. Prayer resets our gaze on the One who is.

The best antidote to fear is faith.  One way to grow our faith is through prayer.

Today I’m sharing a very practical three step prayer strategy that has helped me when fear overwhelms me. A desire to be in control is rooted in fear:  fear that if we don’t control the situation an undesired outcome will occur.  The temptation is to numb the fear with distraction (social media, entertainment, busyness, food, etc etc), but those are only temporarily quiet the fear. The only way I’ve found to move from fear to faith is to apply God’s truth to the root cause of my fear.

I frequently journal my prayers because it grows my faith to be able to look back and see how God has moved in the circumstance, or moved in my heart giving me peace.

“…casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you”

1 Peter 5:7

Here’s an example of a journaling page I did last week. This feels very vulnerable to post,but I’m praying that it may help someone move from fear to faith. The root fear I am fighting with God’s word is the possibility that I might not be healed this side of heaven: that the cancer may return once more.

When life feels out of control:

1-I attempt to identify and name my fear and write it down in a journal (left side, top in above image).

2-On the adjacent page (right hand side), I find scripture that directly speaks to that fear.  I write out the verses. These are God’s promises! If you are unfamiliar with the Bible, a simple google search or a good bible concordance can help.

3-Finally, I write out a prayer (left side, bottom), weaving in those precious Scriptures.  Another benefit to writing it down is that I can go back to it when the fear sneaks its way back into my heart!

After spending time quiet with the Lord and His truth, hope floods my soul as I’m reminded that my ultimate hope is Jesus.  He endured the ultimate chaos for me, so that I could seek refuge in Him during the storms of life that WILL come.

Then, and only then, am I able to rest my soul in God’s steadfast love.

Let them thank the Lord for his steadfast love,
    for his wondrous works to the children of man!
Let them extol him in the congregation of the people,
    and praise him in the assembly of the elders.

Psalm 107:31-32

When your life feels out of control, what practical ways do you move from fear to faith?

Filed Under: BrookeATurner.com ·

Finding Hope When Your Story is Unfinished: Part 3

August 17, 2017 by ·

This is part 3 in the series: “Finding Hope when your Story is Unfinished”.  To catch up:

Click here for Part 1: The Ending Will Be Good

Click here for Part 2 : Moving From Lament to Hope

Part 3: Getting to Know the WHO of Hope

In the Fall of 2003, each morning I would arrive to work, open up my laptop and wait with baited breath for an email. I’d sit alone in a stark European office, watching that screen as if my life depended on it.   As the computer booted up, my heart beat quickened and my stomach fluttered with butterflies.

I waited, wondering if I’d see a certain name in my inbox.

This was back in my Corporate America days. I met Justin in 2003 while visiting home in South Carolina, and promptly had to hop on a plane to return to my short-term international assignment in Europe.  Calling cards were expensive, so we mostly emailed.

Most mornings I’d see his name in my inbox, and my heart would skip a beat as I slowly read every word.I was hanging on every word he said.

My future with Justin in those early days was uncertain. We had just met and were discovering together whether or not our young relationship would gain traction.  I hung on every one of his words because I wanted to uncover his heart for our future together.

As we seek to find hope in the midst of our unfinished story, we can hang on God’s every word in Scripture, and be encouraged by the One who holds our future.

God’s will for your life is for you to have hope TODAY in whatever circumstance you’re facing. Romans 15:13 says “May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope.”

Romans 15:4 tells us that God gives us His Word so that we might have hope.  When we’re walking through a season of darkness, God’s Word illuminates the dark path and gives us just enough light for the step that we’re on. As we seek to find hope while our story is still unfinished, God’s Word reminds us that a good God holds our future. His Word is true, His promises unfailing.

A mind saturated in God’s Word creates a soul satisfied in God’s Hope.

Why Scripture is Essential in Giving us Hope:

As we spend time reading and studying God’s Word, we embark on a journey to:

  • Understand God’s Character and
  • Understand God’s Ways in Suffering

 

Understanding God’s Character

As we saturate our mind in God’s Word, we begin to trust who God is, and become convinced that He is for us and we were created to glorify Him and enjoy Him forever.  This side of heaven, our “enjoying Him forever” includes having a joy-filled hopeful expectation that no matter how our story is written, that the ending will be good!

Scripture illuminates the beautiful Gospel of Jesus, the scarlet thread of scripture woven from beginning to end.  Because of Jesus, we can draw near to our Holy God. Jesus gives us access to God the Father. The veil separating us from the Holiness of God was torn in two! We can approach the throne of grace without fear.  Hope is the anchor of our soul, and our ultimate hope is established in the work of Jesus.

He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things? Romans 8:32

Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need. Hebrews 4:16

We have this as a sure and steadfast anchor of the soul, a hope that enters into the inner place behind the curtain. Hebrews 6:19

Understanding God’s Ways in Suffering

We can never fully understand God’s ways.  Isaiah 55:8 tells us that God’s ways are higher than our ways, however His Word begins to illuminate the fact that our suffering has purpose.  We read accounts of people in the bible like Joseph, or Job, and especially Jesus and we witness that very difficult trials birth beauty.  We are strengthened as God’s Word tells us that our pain has purpose, and that God will use the most difficult parts of our journey to prepare us for what He has ahead.

Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us. Romans 5:3-5

Now, let’s get practical.  You may be reading this, nodding your head. You understand the importance of getting in God’s Word every day but you don’t know where to start.  It’s difficult to find time in your full days.  I’ve been there!

Here’s are two practical tips that I’ve found helpful in developing a discipline of getting in God’s Word every day:

Set Apart Time

Carve out a set apart time in your day to spend time in God’s Word.  Start with 15 minutes. Place a high priority on this time.  I prefer the morning because the children are still sleeping and it starts my day centered on God.  My successful morning starts the night before, and I must get to bed at a decent time to get up early to spend time with the Lord.  Not a morning person? That’s ok! Maybe your time with God is on your lunch break, during a child’s nap time, or in the evening before bed.

Accountability

Pair up with a friend who also wants to get in God’s Word daily and hold each other accountable.  You could ask a friend to wake up 15 or 30 minutes early and text each other that you’re awake and in God’s Word.  You could text a photo of the scripture you’re reading that day. While you’re at it, share how you can pray for one another throughout the day. We’re better together!

 

I’m working on developing a free, downloadable resource for you to help you overcome the obstacles you experience in getting in God’s Word every day.  I know how much developing a daily discipline of getting in God’s Word has meant in my life.  These early mornings with a hot cup of coffee and my bible spread open have served to establish me and infuse hope into my weary, discouraged soul.  I want to give you hope and help you overcome the challenges you face.  This is one small way I would love to serve you and come alongside you on your journey toward hope.

This is where you can help!

Please answer this one simple question:

What obstacles prevent you from developing a daily discipline of Bible study? 

You can respond by commenting to this blog post, writing a comment on Facebook or Instagram, sending me a private facebook message or emailing me at brooke (at) brookeaturner.com

Thank you in advance for your honest input as I develop a resource to equip women to get in God’s Word every day.

Filed Under: BrookeATurner.com ·

Finding Hope When Your Story is Unfinished: Part 2

August 13, 2017 by ·

Earlier posts in this series:

Part 1: The Ending Will Be Good

 

Part 2: Moving from Lament to Hope

In December 2016 I learned the breast cancer had returned. I was embarking on a new “divine adventure”.

I felt like a walking contradiction.

My emotions were a strange mix of deep lament and deep hope.

In one moment, I wondered if my children’s story would be one without a mother.  I wondered if Justin’s story would be one without a wife.  These very real possibilities made me very very sad.  I remember tossing and turning at night, praying for peace within the unknowns.  I was so sad for my family and the difficult journey that could lie ahead for them.

There were also moments that I specifically remember where winds of overwhelming hope would blow through my soul.  It would take me by surprise, and cause me to pause and wonder if I was delusional.  It didn’t feel normal.  This hope was not hope that I’d be ok, but rather hope that IT would be ok.  See the difference?  

At night I’d still have imaginary images that haunted me – images that clicked through like future motion pictures on the big-screen of my mind’s eye.  I’d see Selah trying on wedding dresses without my encouragement, Hannah applying her prom makeup without my help, Samuel graduating high school without my obnoxious cheers from the audience.  These thoughts made me cry.  A lot.  (They still do…)  

But then, there it was again.  The surprising winds of hope that it would be ok, actually better than just ok. That God was in this, as painful as the possibilities were.  There was a bigger story being written here, and the end was good.

There is a misconception that lament and hope cannot coexist.  We sometimes believe that hope means no tears or struggle.  We mistakenly believe that if we have hope, we jump straight to the good, bypassing the hard.

We learn in Scripture that it is ok, even HOLY, to sit for a while in the lament.  There is a whole book of the bible dedicated to Lamentations.  We ought not move through the lament too quickly.

It is my experience that deep lament stretches my capacity for deep hope.

As the brokenness of this world intersects our lives we feel it very deeply…and that is sacred.  Jesus felt deeply – He wept as He grieved the death of his friend Lazarus.  He pleaded for God to remove the cup of suffering in the Garden of Gethsemane.  

Jesus is our perfect example as we seek to become comfortable with the tension of lament and hope dwelling together in the same soul.  He asked for God to remove His suffering, but persevered for the joy set before Him.  He IS Hope.

As we deeply feel the brokenness of this world, we can deeply experience the hope of the One who has overcome this brokenness.

Lament births sorrow; hope births joy.  The apostle Paul tells us to be “sorrowful, yet always rejoicing.”  (2 Corinthians 6:10)   Lament and joy can co-exist.  It’s an uncomfortable tension that will only be resolved when our journey on earth is complete.

As we desire to move from lament to hope, there are two essential spiritual disciplines which gather soul kindling to spark hope:

  1. Saturating your mind in God’s Word
  2. Covering your circumstances in prayer

God’s Word and prayer, wrapped in the context of community, are beautiful gifts that God gives us and can come alongside as we move from lament to hope.

In the next couple of blog posts, I’ll unpack each of these, and get very practical about what it’s looked like in my life.  I’ll share what I’ve found helpful and I pray it encourages you as you seek to find hope in the middle of your own unfinished story.

Click here for more on Learning to Lament

Filed Under: BrookeATurner.com ·

Finding Hope When Your Story is Unfinished : Part 1

August 10, 2017 by ·

Part 1: The Ending Will Be Good

Eight years ago a friend spoke words over me that I hope I never forget.

“Brooke, God is writing a story with your life.  I don’t know how the story is going to end, but it’s going to be good”.

Moments earlier, through tears, I had shared with a group of friends about our long struggle to conceive. Medically, our options were limited.  We weren’t guaranteed I’d ever get pregnant, but that day my friend’s words infused hope into my soul.  I was reminded that even though my story was unfinished, I could be certain that the ending would be good. 

Today, eight years later, I write from a Starbucks in Houston.  The biggest chunk of my heart is in Columbia SC -1,065 miles away (to be exact).  It feels weird to walk around with most of my heart missing.

I have Stage IV breast cancer.  I’m being treated by the world’s best cancer team at MD Anderson Cancer Center, half a country away from my husband and children. All of the normal bits of life are moving along without me:  last minute summer reading, filling the final hot summer days, and target runs for school supplies.  Soon my kindergartner and second graders will walk into a new school-year without the comfort of Mommy’s embrace.  No doubt, this is hard.

I’m at MD Anderson because they give me medical hope that few other places in the world can provide.  Even at one of the highest rated cancer centers in the world, they cannot guarantee that the cancer will be gone forever.  Even though my story is unfinished, I can be certain that the ending will be good.   

What is Biblical Hope?

Biblical hope is not wishing for our circumstances to improve (“I hope the treatments work”).  Our hope cannot be in the happy ending we desire.  (“I hope I’ll have a baby one day”).  This is earthly hope which is flimsy and wrapped in uncertainty.

Biblical hope is vastly different.

Biblical hope is hope not in the harvest of our desires, but in the Healer of our yearning heart.

Biblical hope is having a confident expectation that God will turn the ashes of your life to beauty. (Isaiah 61:3)

My definition of hope:  the certainty of God’s future goodness and grace.

Join me for a Five Part Blog Series

Over the next few weeks I will be writing a series on “Finding Hope When Your Story is Unfinished.”  Hope is a topic that is warm and fuzzy, but can be difficult to wrap our arms around.

Consider this blog series a vessel of hope to the suffering sister.  My prayer is that these words will feel less like blog posts, and more like a good friend on the journey.  There is so much pain, so much hurt, but so much beauty.  I am spurred on by your emails and facebook messages and instagram comments.  We all need hope, and I see a crisis of hope in our generation. 

I long to sit across the table from you and hear your story, and look to the Lord together.  Outside of the minstry to my family, this is the greatest passion of my life: extending the hope of Christ to weary women.  So, ladies (and maybe a fellow or two)- let’s pretend we’re at Starbucks across the table, sharing our stories, looking to Jesus and cheering one another on as we seek Him together.

Together we will unpack:

-What it means to fight for hope, and why is it such a fight?

-Why Scripture is essential in our search for hope, and practical ways to dive into God’s Word when you don’t know where to start

-The importance of prayer, and some ideas when you feel like your prayers are hitting the ceiling

-The purpose of community in finding hope

-Practical ways God has helped me find hope in the thick of the suffering

Is there something in your life right now which feels hopeless, and the story is unfinished? Perhaps you’re single and you don’t want to be.  Maybe your child is wayward, a chronic illness plagues your body, or an empty womb breaks your heart. Is it a broken marriage or financial distress?  Join me for the next few weeks as we together find hope when our stories are unfinished.

“Let your steadfast love, O Lord, be upon us, even as we hope in you.”  Psalm 33:22

Filed Under: BrookeATurner.com ·
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