Pain and hope and sorrow and joy, surprisingly mingled together in one soul. This is the paradox of the Christian life. What if we truly believed the way up was down, that death births life, and that the aim of life is not merely comfort and ease. The more I become comfortable with the discomfort of this life, the more freely I can live and love, saying “yes” to God and what He has for me in these handful of days He gives- the beautiful and gut-wrenching and happy and hard days. And the more my soul is completely convinced that the end is good. #theendisgood #hisgracestillabounds #godyouarefaithful
Brooke’s Cancer Journey Post from 10/8/18
The last medical update I shared was on August 24, 2018- the day before my husband suddenly and unexpectedly went to be with the Lord. Justin died after being struck by a car while cycling on Saturday, August 25. It has been six weeks and my children and I are still deeply grieving, but grieving with hope as we know Justin is enjoying perfect communion with our Lord.
Fighting cancer without Justin here to support me is very difficult and we are being sustained by your prayers. We are well loved by family and friends.
I continue to be treated with Ixempra chemo every 3 weeks for stage IV cancer. I’ve had four treatments so far- most recently last Wednesday. The side effects this round have been more difficult than the past- extreme fatigue, lack of appetite and body pain are the worst of it. The cold capping treatment to reduce hair loss is working so far, although my hair is thinning in some spots. (Success is considered losing no more than 50% of your hair). I’m so thankful that I pursued this because it would be so hard on the children for me to lose my hair during this time.
I have a PET scan 10/17 with results 10/19. My medical team agreed for me to have this scan in Columbia so I would not have to travel to Houston. I will go to MD Anderson if I need to, depending on the results of the scan but I’m praying not until early next year.
Please join me in praying for amazing, miraculous results for the PET scan next week! Please pray for peace for me between now and then (the week before scans is emotionally difficult). Please pray for us as we adjust to life without Justin here. We miss him so much.
Please know how much I appreciate every prayer and message , even as I’m not able to respond to each one- each word matters deeply and encourages my heart.
Trusting in the goodness and faithfulness of our great God, even through the hard…this is our hope which does not disappoint, no matter what earthly circumstances are.
“But the steadfast love of the Lord is from everlasting to everlasting on those who fear him, and his righteousness to children’s children” Psalm 103:17
Brooke’s facebook post from 10/3/2018
She was there then (photo from 20 years ago), and she’s still there now. Walking through life arm in arm with my sister. We just had the best long talk, piled on my bed, after the kids went down. I love our 5:15 mornings tiptoeing to the couch to do a quiet time before kids wake up- drinking up God’s Word and coffee cooled slightly with one ice cube. I know this season of us in the same home won’t last forever, and it’s crazy and chaotic, but there is so much beauty here. Also so much hard. So many tears. But I’m trying not to miss the good. I so hate the reason that her family is relocating here, but I cherish these moments in my heart. It’s a special thing to have a sister so close in heart and proximity. She sees it all- the good, bad, messy, raw, real, beautiful journey we are walking. So thankful we get to walk it together. #sistersareforever @lizfishersc — with Elizabeth Arnold Fisher.
Brooke’s Facebook post from 10/2/18
My journey with the Lord is recorded in 33 journals that sit in my closet. As I see these journals each day, I remember the joys and sorrows through which the Lord was faithful. I see several infertility journals. I see the brown one with flowers when I found out i was pregnant with twins. I see the 2011 journal when I was pregnant with Hannah- and there’s the breast cancer diagnosis journal, and now there is the “Justin’s death” journal. Each journal holds prayers, joys and challenges, celebration and sorrow. And the Lord is writing His redemption story through them all.
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Today I started a new journal. It has a tree on the front that looks like fall, so I figured it was a fitting choice for this season. The first day of a new journal is always a big deal for me, and I always take a moment and write a prayer to the Lord to surrender the days ahead to His perfect plan… declaring once more that whatever joys and tears chronicled in this new journal, I trust Him.
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The last journal I started on August 21, 2018, four days before Justin died. It is a bright pink journal with the word “Hope” stamped on the cover; A journal gifted to me by a dear friend and mentor. Reading the entries on the days leading up to Justin’s death have been so faith-building, as I see how the Lord was preparing my heart for what was to come. Through His Word, He began giving me an even greater eternal perspective, and eyes to see the vapor that this life is. The unexpected twist in the story- He was preparing me to stay here and grieve Justin’s death- not the other way around.
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We cannot understand the mind of God. He gives us just enough light for the step we are on, while keeping the long path forward in the dark. I would have never imagined this is the way this story would be written. But when I look back and see His faithfulness through these 33 journals, I am reminded that He is faithful still, even when The future is so uncertain, BUT He is the author of this story, and I’m trusting today that His story is good. It’s still so very hard, but He grants grace for every moment. #hisgraceissufficient
#nomatterwhat #hisgracestillabounds #theendisgood #godyouarefaithful
Brooke’s Facebook post from 9/26/18
One month ago I told Justin “goodbye; I love you” when he left for a bike ride and he never came home. My heart aches more than words can express. A month later it hurts differently. Today I smiled to myself about a funny inside joke we shared. I miss his laughter, his embrace, his whistling, his socks on the floor.
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In the midst of still raw grief, I’m asking the Lord to help me not miss the good. My sister Liz, her husband Jon, and their three children completely uprooted their amazing life in Florida (10 min from the beach) to move to Columbia to support me and the children. This is a picture of sacrificial love. It’s a picture of what it means to love well. I’m grateful beyond words. .
As Liz posted yesterday, God is doing a new thing, and showing us those streams in the wilderness.
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“Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.”
Isaiah 43:19 @lizfishersc .
#lookforthegood #hisgracestillabounds #streamsinthedesert #fisherturnercousins
Brooke’s Facebook post from 9/23/18
In seasons of heartache, Psalm 73 grants me permission to ask the “whys” of life, but I can’t stay there. Where do I run with my “why”?
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Psalm 73:16-17 reminds me to run to God. Trying to understand suffering is a wearisome, exhausting, and fruitless pursuit. When I run to the presence of God, I may not find every answer, but I find something better. PEACE.
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But how? In God’s presence, with His people, I’m saturating my mind with the truth of God. I’m reminded that because of Jesus, “no weapon formed against me shall remain” (Isaiah 54:17). I’m reminded that “no height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord” (Romans 8:39). “My strength and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever (Psalm 73:26). Nothing can take away that “portion”. Not widowhood, not cancer, NOTHING can remove what is unshakable for me through Christ.
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When I go through the worst and still see God here, it also feels like freedom, because I know that no matter what, I’m held by Him. And He is good.
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As I worship this morning at @nepres , I’m thanking God that I can run to Him with my why, and He changes my perspective and grants peace in the midst of the really, really hard
Brooke’s Facebook post from 9/16/18
March 25, 2012 we joined Northeast Presbyterian Church. It was one of the best decisions we ever made as a couple. Hannah was 7 weeks old. I remember rejoicing because God had so clearly led us to this church and we were united in this decision. A few years later, Justin became a deacon and I joined the staff as Women’s Ministry Director. I can’t speak highly enough for how well we have been, and continue to be shepherded here. God has been so faithful to us, and I choose to believe He is faithful still.
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“I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord, be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord”. Psalm 27:13-14
Brooke’s Facebook post from 9/10/18
My faith in God’s goodness and sovereignty does not wipe away the grief in any measure, but my faith is helping me feel God’s strong presence and see His grace THROUGH the grief, as I journey forward in the valley of weeping. And my faith in God, through Christ, grants hope that the “weeping may tarry for the night, but joy comes in the morning”. (Psalm 30:5) #hisgraceabounds
Brooke’s Facebook post from 9/7/18
I continue to be so overwhelmed and humbled by the generosity that so many have extended to our family these past two weeks. The kindness of God has been demonstrated time and time again through your tangible acts of service, generous financial gifts, cards in the mail, text messages, emails, gift cards, and most importantly prayers. Specifically, the GoFundMe account has been one of the most incredible acts of collective generosity that I’ve witnessed.
We are walking through difficult days, as I am working hard to provide a loving, stable, consistent environment for my children all while getting treated for Stage IV breast cancer. Although each day holds its own set of challenges, the Lord provides just what we need for that day. These funds will help greatly as we move ahead in this new season of our family.
Thank you, from the bottom of our hearts.
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In Christ Alone,
Brooke, Samuel, Selah, & Hannah Turner
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(Thank you to Kelsey Granger who painted this beautiful picture displaying Isaiah 61:3b, our family verse we chose in 2009)
Brooke’s Facebook post from 9/6/18
Thankful for happy memories like this in Hilton Head. Many people don’t know the good that they have. By God’s grace, and walking through suffering together- Justin and I knew how good it was. We had something very special and unique and we knew it.
Although the kids and I are putting one foot in front of the other-doing the next right thing each day-in the quiet moments the grief and sadness overwhelm me. I just miss my husband.
Today I was reminded in Psalm 56 that God catches our tears in a bottle. He sees, He cares, He knows.
This meditation brought my heart peace this morning:
“Grief is an act as well as a feeling. When hearts are broken, cheeks should be wet. I wish it weren’t true, but it is. There is something about weeping that is incredibly scary. It’s a vulnerable act that floods our thoughts and feelings, leaving us fatigued. Little wonder then that people avoid it like the plague, or feel that they need to make an excuse for it.
But Scripture itself does not take such a negative view on mourning. God does not tell his children to “dry it up!” Rather, God stores our tears in his bottle (Psalm 56:8). In an ancient, arid land where bottles were not a dime a dozen, only precious things were kept in bottles. Even more, God himself weeps and makes no apology for it (Luke 19:41–44; John 11:35). When God finds his heart hurting, his cheeks are not dry, and you should not be ashamed if yours aren’t either.
It’s not enough to merely give our emotions vent; they need to be shepherded (Psalm 120:1; 130:1). Christians are not merely those who weep, but those who weep well. It is not true that our stress, sadness, anger, and negative emotions just need an emotional outlet to release the pressure. This “hydraulic” view of the affections often does more harm than good — before we know it, we can barely put our emotional kettle on the burner before the whistle begins to wail for relief.
Instead, the key is to marry an emotional outlet with hope. This does not mean that we always, at every single moment, need to sustain a conscious feeling of hope alongside our grief — God makes room in Scripture for passages like Psalm 88 and Job 3. He does not ask the believer to take a Pollyanna view of the believing life. But Paul reminds the Thessalonians that their grief is different from a mere emotional outpour (1 Thessalonians 4:13). It is grounded in the truth of the gospel which is the spring of hope and life itself (Romans 15:13; 1 Thessalonians 4:14–17). Gospel hope is the foundation of healthy grief. We may not always see it or focus on it, but it is there, and it will rise again (Psalm 51:12).” (Josh Squires, desiringgod.org).