His Grace Abounds

“The King of Kings lay thus in lowly manger
In all our trials born to be our friend.
He knows our need, our weakness is no stranger.
Behold your King, before Him lowly bend.
Behold your King, before Him lowly bend”
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These lyrics from my favorite Christmas carol (O Holy Night) have never meant more to me than Christmas 2018. In the season where the world puts their picture perfect moments into the world, I’m reminded that it’s in our weakness that we can best know our Savior. These words touched me to the core last night as we sang them in the Christmas Eve service: “Behold, your King, before Him lowly bend”. It’s our humility He desires- and as we Behold our King, we see Him stooping to meet us. This thought just makes me weep with worship, especially this year as I have been brought lower than I ever thought imaginable.
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Whatever lies ahead, may we all see and savor our King- the Suffering Savior, the Christ child more fully in 2019.
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Merry Christmas, love Team Turner

This stocking has wrecked me. So many bits of Christmas have made me lose my breath with grief, but none more than this stocking. I cannot look at it without crying. I woke up this morning and one of the children had hung it on the tree. We are all trying to figure this out, and there is no handbook for a first Christmas without the one who held a huge part of your heart.

An update before I crash into bed-
1) thank you for praying for chemo today. I and the medical team really needed those prayers as I had an allergic / drug sensitivity reaction to the Carboplatin. This happened once before with a different medicine and it is extremely scary. My throat was closing up, I couldn’t breathe and my hands and feet were furiously itching. I had my eyes closed praying during the wort of it, and I opened my eyes and saw so many staff surrounding me,helping. I was given some meds, put on oxygen and just had to wait. Finally things turned around and I could breathe normally again. But I was (am!) berry groggy from the high doses of benedryl.
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2) My next scan is a CT scan scheduled for 12/26/18. I’m thankful it’s after Christmas Day. I’m doing this scan in Columbia. I’m not sure when I’ll return to TX. My oncologist here communicates very well with my oncologist in TX.
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3) cold capping is working, but there is some thinning as you can see in the photo of prayer warriors praying over me. (I LOVE this picture so much. So many of these ladies taught me to pray!). Cold capping is a recently FDA treatment that allows cancer patients a way to keep their hair by constricting blood vessels to the hair follicles, preventing the chemo to make its way to the follicle. I really struggled and was so prayerful for the decision. I’ll share a little more of my struggle with this decision and what it’s like in my newsletter.
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4) speaking of my newsletter, I have started “Raising Ebenezers”- an email newsletter. I have yet to decide on the frequency but will develop a rhythm in time. if you would like to be added please comment here. It may take me a little bit to do everyone. The fastest way is to go *on a desktop* to my Facebook page “Brooke Turner Cancer Journey” and clicknon the link under the profile pic that says “let’s be email friends”. Fill out the form and boom you’re in.
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I thank God for you! My faithful prayer warriors- this verse is what I’m praying over each of you in whatever season you’re in.
“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope.”

Its pretty impossible to look at this and not praise the Lord for His faithfulness. There are so many God stories, one of which being the story of how my sister and her family moved across the street from our family. God saved the perfect home for them. We will be telling of His faithfulness and how God has carried our family through deepest waters for generations. #teamturnerfisher #hisgracestillabounds #theendisgood

Christmas 2018-
Some ornaments make me smile; many make me cry. I shared the words below on December 2, 2016. It is only by His grace that I am able to say God is still faithful. Although the middle of this journey is exceedingly difficult, I am still confident that the end is good.
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(Written 12/2/16)
My socked feet pad down the staircase, flanked with lit garland. I glance to the right and see a tree so large it takes up nearly half of our front room; a gift from my parents who no longer needed a tree that large.
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My eyes land on one of my favorite ornaments, a simple wooden ornament framing our family. It was from three years ago, when my hair was long and cancer was just a disease other people got. My mind drifts to years earlier, before cancer, before twins and then one more.
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Christmases where I wondered if we would ever have little hands touching the tree; excited feet scurrying to see what Santa brought.
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I’m so grateful for this family; for these children. I’m so grateful to be here with them. But what I’ve learned is that these joys point to the true joy; the “holding on past expectation” Hope Pastor Ropp preached about last Sunday. All earthly joy points to heavenly joy, of which we cannot even comprehend.
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I guess what I’m trying to say is that through Christ, no matter how your story ends, it’s going to be good. Better than good. Better than your wildest expectation. Ephesians 3:20 #turnerredemptionhouse #holdingontohope

“The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end;
they are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness. “The Lord is my portion,” says my soul,
“therefore I will hope in him.” Lamentations 3:22-24
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Remembering Thanksgiving throughout the years. Feeling so grateful for the years we shared, and feeling the deep ache of missing him today especially. Thank you to so many for your prayers and messages today. The sunset tonight was absolutely stunning. It was another reminder that I do not walk alone. God sees and knows my pain, and He is faithful through it all.

These two love each other fierce. Selah & Reagan- The oldest two girls of the bunch, 5 months apart, So different but similar in what matters. Learning to love each other through differences and overlook offenses.
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Six cousins who are more like siblings who go to school together, live across the street, go to church together and genuinely do life together. A dream I never had come true, although the hardest of circumstances brought it to pass. This morning I’m choosing to not miss the good. #dontmissthegood #joyinthemidst (Thanks to a 3rd grade Mom for sending these field trip photos)

Over the past several weeks I’ve had multiple conversations with friends- mothers in all different stages of motherhood- and I’m hearing a common thread woven between our Mama hearts: We fear suffering for our children. We love them so much and we want to control and curate their experiences so that their life journeys are easy, without tears; without pain.
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That’s been quite possibly the most difficult part of this journey; when my mind runs down dark “what if” alleys and my heart breaks in a million pieces as I witness their tears and pain in missing their daddy and watching Mommy endure cancer treatments.
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I’ve learned the truths I have to preach to myself in those moments: These children belong to the Lord, not me. He is the perfect Parent and can take care of them far better than I could ever dream to. He is writing a beautiful story through their lives. The stories of suffering they walk through may just be the experiences that shape them into the men and women God is growing them to be.
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Then and only then can I exhale and remember the same grace available to me is theirs too. They are His.
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God, You are faithful. #theendisgood

Two months without my Justin❤️ being his wife was one of the greatest honors of my life. …
Justin turned 40 on August 1, 2018. I insisted on having two birthday parties for him for his 40th. He resisted, being the frugal one -and thinking that was too extravagant, but I convinced him that life was worth celebrating. HE was worth celebrating. And celebrate we did. I’m so thankful we had those two parties, with friends and family sharing memories of Justin through the years.
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These words below written in my journal on Justin’s 40th birthday- August 1, 2018. 24 days before he died.
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“Thank you, Lord, for my incredible husband- thank you for intersecting our lives in 2003- thank you for how he is growing in grace- maturing in faith- leading our home. Thank you for the incredible solid support he has been to me- especially these last 3+ years. Thank you Father for the incredible father that he is to Sam, Selah and Hannah. Thank you for the laughter we share, and our differences which are like the two opposing lines on a sailboat – the offsetting tension somehow makes us straight in You. Thank you for this life. For the 5,401 days I have known this man. Not every day has been easy, even in our marriage-but each day collectively has been one of the greatest honors of my life. Loving him, bringing children in the world with him, leaning hard on You Lord together as we raise these children has been such an honor. Thank you Lord for my Justin”