Your goodness chases after me

The tragic news about the Eddings Family  weighed heavy over the weekend.  But health-wise, I’m so thankful to share that I’m feeling much, much better.

The first time I met with Dr. Stillwell, my oncologist, she shared the 3 week chemotherapy treatment plan that I would be on.  I remember her preparing me that I would have 1.5 weeks of feeling “terrible”, and 1.5 weeks of feeling “ok”.

At some point in the conversation I also remember her saying that day 3 after chemo was typically the worst day.  (This part – ‘day three is the worst day”- was the part of the conversation I chose to focus on, because I could not imagine feeling terrible for a week and a half and I just chose to forget that part!)

Being the eternal optimist, I figured that I’d have chemo on a Wednesday, feel awful over the weekend, and be mostly back to normal life by the next Tuesday.  I know, optimism can verge on delusion!   That was one reason last week was so difficult for me – both physically AND emotionally.  The side effects (mostly fatigue and stomach problems and lack of appetite, which contributed to the fatigue) lasted till Friday…not Tuesday like I was hoping.

The week and a half of “terrible” and week and a half “ok” is pretty much how it’s playing out.  Only the “ok” days have actually been  “pretty good” days.  And I’m so thankful to be feeling pretty good.  I never knew how much I took my health for granted until I was mostly in bed for a week and  a half!

Saturday for a change of scenery we went to my parent’s lake house and I took it VERY easy in the shade as the children splashed and played and went tubing.   I felt ok.  My stomach was very uncomfortable but my appetite was beginning to come back at least.

But Sunday– oh Sunday was AMAZING!!  I remember waking up for the first time in a week and a half feeling like I could actually fix my children breakfast.  I felt almost back to my usual self!  I took a shower without sitting down!  I fixed myself something to eat and drink, and I was actually hungry!

Our family went to worship together and I felt like the sermon was just for me.  During worship we sang some of my favorite songs, including a song called “Joyfully”.  One of the lyrics of this song says “Your goodness chases after me”.  These words always go straight to my heart because they speak of the relentless pursuit of our Lord, and His goodness over our lives.  This is a good description of my weekend, but overall my life.  His goodness, YES, it chases after me.

After church we even went to Red Robin to eat lunch with our friends thanks to our friends the Berrys who had given us a gift card! It was so amazing, I almost forgot that I was a cancer patient.

Later on Sunday I even went for a nice long walk with my sweet friend Lori, complete with great conversation of course.  Since I was exercising before, Dr. Stillwell says to continue to exercise as much as I feel up to it.

sweet friend Lori who loves running and Jesus as much as I do. She’s slowing down to walk with me these days!

And to top it all off, I took Selah grocery shopping! Under usual circumstances, this would NOT excite me! But something I’ve come to realize is that cancer gives you “new eyes”.  Just feeling well enough to go to the store was a BLESSING.  I was drinking it in, and enjoying every minute of it….from rolling the windows down in the van and belting out Kari Jobe’s “Forever” on the way there and back with Selah singing in the back seat.  All of these seemingly small things are a straight up GIFT from God.  Oh how I pray I never take them for granted again!

cherished time with Selah..even at the grocery store!

Monday was another great day where I had energy! We went to Chickfila with the kids for lunch and spent the entire afternoon with the Pittman family at the pool. It was a lazy, easy, fun day.

During these days where I feel good, I’m soaking in every moment with my precious family.  Right now I’m focusing on my Lord, my health, and my family.  Those are the important things and all else is falling away.  I want to live these days to the FULLEST…doing things we’ve been putting off, or doing things we wouldn’t normally do.  I want to live spontaneously, lightly, and joyfully.  I want to reconnect with friends we haven’t seen in a while.  These are all the treasures I’m finding in cancer, and I thank God for these weeks where I will feel well enough to live life to the fullest.

My next treatment is Wednesday June 3, and the nurses say typically this one is more difficult than the first because the chemo accumulates in your system.   (For any medical people, I apologize if I’m describing it incorrectly!).  I pray that it will be easier all in all because I’ll know better what to expect.  Shortly after the second treatment is when they expect I will lose my hair.  I can tell some of it is already “releasing” but not clumps yet.  It just feels like the amount I lose when I was nursing. (All you Mamas know what I mean!) .  My heart is in a good place with the hair loss.

I’ll never stop thanking you for the outpouring of love and support we continue to feel. Thank you for choosing to walk this journey and read along with me.  God continues to speak to me so much and I am thankful to have an “outlet” to express what He is doing in my heart in my time with Him.  I pray it blesses your heart and my deepest desire is that this blog in someway, somehow, draws you deeper into God’s presence.

His goodness chases after us, indeed.

His grace abounds,

Brooke