These two love each other fierce. Selah & Reagan- The oldest two girls of the bunch, 5 months apart, So different but similar in what matters. Learning to love each other through differences and overlook offenses.
…
Six cousins who are more like siblings who go to school together, live across the street, go to church together and genuinely do life together. A dream I never had come true, although the hardest of circumstances brought it to pass. This morning I’m choosing to not miss the good. #dontmissthegood #joyinthemidst (Thanks to a 3rd grade Mom for sending these field trip photos)

Over the past several weeks I’ve had multiple conversations with friends- mothers in all different stages of motherhood- and I’m hearing a common thread woven between our Mama hearts: We fear suffering for our children. We love them so much and we want to control and curate their experiences so that their life journeys are easy, without tears; without pain.
…
That’s been quite possibly the most difficult part of this journey; when my mind runs down dark “what if” alleys and my heart breaks in a million pieces as I witness their tears and pain in missing their daddy and watching Mommy endure cancer treatments.
…
I’ve learned the truths I have to preach to myself in those moments: These children belong to the Lord, not me. He is the perfect Parent and can take care of them far better than I could ever dream to. He is writing a beautiful story through their lives. The stories of suffering they walk through may just be the experiences that shape them into the men and women God is growing them to be.
…
Then and only then can I exhale and remember the same grace available to me is theirs too. They are His.
.
God, You are faithful. #theendisgood

Two months without my Justin❤️ being his wife was one of the greatest honors of my life. …
Justin turned 40 on August 1, 2018. I insisted on having two birthday parties for him for his 40th. He resisted, being the frugal one -and thinking that was too extravagant, but I convinced him that life was worth celebrating. HE was worth celebrating. And celebrate we did. I’m so thankful we had those two parties, with friends and family sharing memories of Justin through the years.
…
These words below written in my journal on Justin’s 40th birthday- August 1, 2018. 24 days before he died.
…
“Thank you, Lord, for my incredible husband- thank you for intersecting our lives in 2003- thank you for how he is growing in grace- maturing in faith- leading our home. Thank you for the incredible solid support he has been to me- especially these last 3+ years. Thank you Father for the incredible father that he is to Sam, Selah and Hannah. Thank you for the laughter we share, and our differences which are like the two opposing lines on a sailboat – the offsetting tension somehow makes us straight in You. Thank you for this life. For the 5,401 days I have known this man. Not every day has been easy, even in our marriage-but each day collectively has been one of the greatest honors of my life. Loving him, bringing children in the world with him, leaning hard on You Lord together as we raise these children has been such an honor. Thank you Lord for my Justin”

Pain and hope and sorrow and joy, surprisingly mingled together in one soul. This is the paradox of the Christian life. What if we truly believed the way up was down, that death births life, and that the aim of life is not merely comfort and ease. The more I become comfortable with the discomfort of this life, the more freely I can live and love, saying “yes” to God and what He has for me in these handful of days He gives- the beautiful and gut-wrenching and happy and hard days. And the more my soul is completely convinced that the end is good. #theendisgood #hisgracestillabounds #godyouarefaithful

She was there then (photo from 20 years ago), and she’s still there now. Walking through life arm in arm with my sister. We just had the best long talk, piled on my bed, after the kids went down. I love our 5:15 mornings tiptoeing to the couch to do a quiet time before kids wake up- drinking up God’s Word and coffee cooled slightly with one ice cube. I know this season of us in the same home won’t last forever, and it’s crazy and chaotic, but there is so much beauty here. Also so much hard. So many tears. But I’m trying not to miss the good. I so hate the reason that her family is relocating here, but I cherish these moments in my heart. It’s a special thing to have a sister so close in heart and proximity. She sees it all- the good, bad, messy, raw, real, beautiful journey we are walking. So thankful we get to walk it together. #sistersareforever @lizfishersc — with Elizabeth Arnold Fisher.

My journey with the Lord is recorded in 33 journals that sit in my closet. As I see these journals each day, I remember the joys and sorrows through which the Lord was faithful. I see several infertility journals. I see the brown one with flowers when I found out i was pregnant with twins. I see the 2011 journal when I was pregnant with Hannah- and there’s the breast cancer diagnosis journal, and now there is the “Justin’s death” journal. Each journal holds prayers, joys and challenges, celebration and sorrow. And the Lord is writing His redemption story through them all.
.
Today I started a new journal. It has a tree on the front that looks like fall, so I figured it was a fitting choice for this season. The first day of a new journal is always a big deal for me, and I always take a moment and write a prayer to the Lord to surrender the days ahead to His perfect plan… declaring once more that whatever joys and tears chronicled in this new journal, I trust Him.
.
The last journal I started on August 21, 2018, four days before Justin died. It is a bright pink journal with the word “Hope” stamped on the cover; A journal gifted to me by a dear friend and mentor. Reading the entries on the days leading up to Justin’s death have been so faith-building, as I see how the Lord was preparing my heart for what was to come. Through His Word, He began giving me an even greater eternal perspective, and eyes to see the vapor that this life is. The unexpected twist in the story- He was preparing me to stay here and grieve Justin’s death- not the other way around.
.
We cannot understand the mind of God. He gives us just enough light for the step we are on, while keeping the long path forward in the dark. I would have never imagined this is the way this story would be written. But when I look back and see His faithfulness through these 33 journals, I am reminded that He is faithful still, even when The future is so uncertain, BUT He is the author of this story, and I’m trusting today that His story is good. It’s still so very hard, but He grants grace for every moment. #hisgraceissufficient
#nomatterwhat #hisgracestillabounds #theendisgood #godyouarefaithful

One month ago I told Justin “goodbye; I love you” when he left for a bike ride and he never came home. My heart aches more than words can express. A month later it hurts differently. Today I smiled to myself about a funny inside joke we shared. I miss his laughter, his embrace, his whistling, his socks on the floor.
.
In the midst of still raw grief, I’m asking the Lord to help me not miss the good. My sister Liz, her husband Jon, and their three children completely uprooted their amazing life in Florida (10 min from the beach) to move to Columbia to support me and the children. This is a picture of sacrificial love. It’s a picture of what it means to love well. I’m grateful beyond words. .
As Liz posted yesterday, God is doing a new thing, and showing us those streams in the wilderness.
.
“Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.”
‭‭Isaiah‬ ‭43:19‬ @lizfishersc .
#lookforthegood #hisgracestillabounds #streamsinthedesert #fisherturnercousins

In seasons of heartache, Psalm 73 grants me permission to ask the “whys” of life, but I can’t stay there. Where do I run with my “why”?
.
Psalm 73:16-17 reminds me to run to God. Trying to understand suffering is a wearisome, exhausting, and fruitless pursuit. When I run to the presence of God, I may not find every answer, but I find something better. PEACE.
.
But how? In God’s presence, with His people, I’m saturating my mind with the truth of God. I’m reminded that because of Jesus, “no weapon formed against me shall remain” (Isaiah 54:17). I’m reminded that “no height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord” (Romans 8:39). “My strength and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever (Psalm 73:26). Nothing can take away that “portion”. Not widowhood, not cancer, NOTHING can remove what is unshakable for me through Christ.
.
When I go through the worst and still see God here, it also feels like freedom, because I know that no matter what, I’m held by Him. And He is good.
.
As I worship this morning at @nepres , I’m thanking God that I can run to Him with my why, and He changes my perspective and grants peace in the midst of the really, really hard

March 25, 2012 we joined Northeast Presbyterian Church. It was one of the best decisions we ever made as a couple. Hannah was 7 weeks old. I remember rejoicing because God had so clearly led us to this church and we were united in this decision. A few years later, Justin became a deacon and I joined the staff as Women’s Ministry Director. I can’t speak highly enough for how well we have been, and continue to be shepherded here. God has been so faithful to us, and I choose to believe He is faithful still.
…
“I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord, be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord”. Psalm 27:13-14

My faith in God’s goodness and sovereignty does not wipe away the grief in any measure, but my faith is helping me feel God’s strong presence and see His grace THROUGH the grief, as I journey forward in the valley of weeping. And my faith in God, through Christ, grants hope that the “weeping may tarry for the night, but joy comes in the morning”. (Psalm 30:5) #hisgraceabounds