Weak, but thankful.

These past two days I have been confronted with physical weakness like never before.  Chemo is no joke!  I do not want to gloss over the difficult parts of this journey.

I never realized what a gift from God ENERGY is.

I’ve barely had the energy to lift my head in many moments, and simple things like going to the bathroom and eating breakfast make me have to go lie down again.  This is difficult for a high-energy, on the go person like me!

I knew I would lack energy, but I had no idea to what extent.  I could not even muster the strength to journal and hold my bible.  This makes me very sad because prayer journalling is how I process – it’s how I commune with God as I read His Word.

BUT, I’m thankful because today, Sunday morning, although I’m not at church with my family, I was able to read God’s Word on my iPhone bible app.  It’s easier to hold than my bible when weak and I can look with my head still on the pillow.  I’m praying through the Psalms and it’s been such a blessing so far to read each familiar Psalm with a fresh set of eyes.  When I can, I’d love to share some of my reflections with you.

I’m thankful because my sister came to visit me ALL the way from Houston, TX! She’s served me so well, making me cheese grits and going on a grocery store run.

IMG_0169

beautiful sister.

I’m thankful because I was able to make it to my parent’s house tonight and eat dinner. My aunt and grandmother were visiting from Wilmington, NC and I always love time with them.  I stayed on the couch most of the time because I’m just too weak to do much else.

I’m thankful because my children are the most nurturing, loving sweet things on this earth.  They love to cuddle me, sing me songs, and I even got a back rub from Samuel this morning.

IMG_0159

my little cuddle-bug Samuel

So many sweet friends remind me that I don’t always have to be “up”….I know this. I’m trying my best to see the many blessings that I am still enjoying that cancer will NOT steal from me!  Believe me, there have been many rough moments this past weekend, but overall, I’m thankful.

I’m mostly thankful for promises like this: “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me.” (2 Corinthians 12:9 NLT)

His grace abounds,

Brooke

First Chemo Treatment- A great day!

Today marked my first step in a journey to completely remove this terrible cancer from my body!

It was a truly amazing day, full of many gifts from God.  Your texts, facebook messages, and emails encouraged me throughout the day!

I will likely write another post with more details (with the purpose of remembering, or helping someone else facing cancer in the future).

For now, I wanted to share a quick update to all of you prayer warriors.

My infusions take place at Lexington Medical Center.  I was there from 8am – 4pm today. They have it set up SO comfortably in there.  After getting my weight and vitals, they escorted me over to my nurses’s section.  My nurse for my chemo will remain the same.  Her name in Myra and I already love her.  The chairs recline back, they provide you with all sorts of goodies.  Really, it was a little like a vacation, being waited on hand and foot 🙂  (Probably wouldn’t have CHOSEN this vacation destination!)

Glimmers of Grace from today:

-My sweet high school girls that I disciple gave me this PRECIOUS angel bracelet.  They said they were my angels and would be with me through this journey.  I marvel at the strength of their faith as 9th and 10th graders.  It’s evidence of the LORD’s work, and Jason & Julie’s amazing investment in their lives through NEPC Student Ministries!!  I love you Amanda, Amelia, Mary Catharine, Caroline, Kimberly and Emily!  I had my “angels” with me today!

IMG_0135-2

-The song we heard when we first turned to K-LOVE this morning on the radio was “Glorious Unfolding” which is one of my very favorite songs for this cancer journey

-They accessed my port with NO PAIN.  It has been very sore and I was nervous about getting it accessed.

-My friend Renee who took time off of work to sit with me for the entire day, explaining technical terms and filling in the gaps.  Renee has been an oncology nurse since we graduated from Clemson way back in 2002!  Oh we had some fun times reminiscing about Clemson days, fun trips we’ve taken and our post-college days living in Atlanta.  Lots of laughs and fun.  I love this girl and wish I could see her more frequently.  We always pick right back where we left off.

with Renee

Two other friends stopped by, and Heather brought Zoes for lunch! 🙂 yay!

IMG_0146

with Heather; sweet college friend

IMG_0137

Becky works at Lexington Medical center, so she dropped by too!

-I got calendars of all my infusions  all the way to September!!  I’m a planner, and this made my heart happy!

-I LOVE my nurse, Myra!  She reminds me so much of a precious Focus Bible Study leader, Maggie McKenna.  I mean down to the appearance, the mannerisms, the haircut, the “spunkiness” (for those that love Maggie you’ll know what I mean).  Maggie is also a nurse and I love her so much.  It was kind of like having Maggie with me all day today too.

-PRAISE – I didn’t have any of the “anti histamine” (I may be using the wrong word) reactions that two of the medications can cause during the infusion.  I didn’t have much discomfort during the infusion. It was a little strange but I’ll share more details in my more detailed post.

-love my “earthly ” ROCK!! This man is a continual glimmer of grace in my life.  I LOVE HIM!!

IMG_0148

Prayers:

-My most significant prayer is that God would be glorified through cancer. Pray that people might come to love Jesus for the fist time, or grow in a deeper relationship with Him.   I don’t want to squander one minute of this trial that the Lord has entrusted me to walk through

-At the same time, I want to be vulnerable and real, and walk this journey with authenticity! I don’t want to be on a pedestal but want to point to Christ alone.  It is my prayer that through my WEAKNESS He is made strong, and I want to share the most difficult days with you, my friends.  For example, Monday all day and Tuesday up until lunch were VERY hard days for me as I momentarily took my eyes off of Jesus, like Peter…began to sink, yet my eyes refocused on Christ in a special way on Tuesday at lunch. I can’t wait to share that with you in another post.

-Pray for God’s PERFECT healing in my life!

-Pray for me over Friday, Saturday, Sunday….what can be anticipated as my “down days”

-Pray that God would help me find a cute wig on Monday, as I meet with the ladies at “Becky’s Place”

-Continue to pray for Justin – God’s perfect sustaining grace over Him, as he continues to serve and love me so well.  Pray I’m a blessing to him through sickness

-Pray for my precious children.  They know of my sickness and are processing it in their own individual ways.  Pray especially for my Hannah (my three year old).  She’s in a somewhat difficult stage and we are trying to maintain consistency in our parenting.  You Mama’s of three year olds know exactly what I mean!!! (or many of you remember!)

edited to add: how could I forget to mention Pastor Walter’s visit! Unfortunately we did not get a photo. We shared a sweet prayer time and the visit was very encouraging!  Thanks Eric!

His Grace Abounds!

Brooke