His Grace Abounds

The Winter Year

April 25, 2016 by Brooke ·

My one year cancer-versary has come and gone.

April 21, 2015 so many things changed.

Here we are, a year later, and so many things are still so different.

But there is One who is unchanging- and He has taken my faith deeper.

He has answered my prayer:

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders,

let me walk upon the waters,

Wherever you would call me.

Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander;

And my faith would be made stronger,

in the presence of my Savior.

(Hillsong-Oceans)

God gave me a little “heaven kiss” yesterday in church. I could hardly believe it when I heard the first few bars of that worship song quoted above, Oceans. This song has been the continual song of my heart since 2014.

In 2014-2015, God took me on a journey of obedience and faith as He took me to the “deeper place” of a ministry calling I didn’t feel equipped to do.

In 2015- 2016, God took me on a journey of brokenness and surrender as He took me to the “deeper place” of the valley of cancer and suffering.

We pray for God to grow our faith; we just don’t get to choose how He will do it.

But~ His plans are perfect, and He does all things well. It’s not always easy, and we don’t always know all the reasons. That’s where faith comes in…believing and trusting that God’s plans are better than MY plans.

This past year has felt like a Winter Year. A year of dormancy, where God was preparing the soil of my heart for what He wants to grow in the future.

I am thankful that this Winter Year is behind me.

I’m praying ABOUNDING GRACE for the days ahead – in whatever season God has for me next.

This journey is not about me – it’s about the God of abounding grace who is the God of every journey; of every season.

He wants to use every single one of our life-journeys to point to Himself – we are simply His instruments to play His music into the world.

I am so grateful for every single prayer lifted for me over the past year!

I’m feeling better and stronger every single day. I’ve started to run again! My hair is really growing back and I’m getting used to the new short look.

I have a PET scan on Saturday, May 7 to make sure there is no evidence of disease anywhere in my body. I appreciate your bold prayers for CLEAR SCANS!

Pray for me to have faith and not fear as I think about the scans, and my mind wanders to the “what-ifs”.

Mostly pray “ABOUNDING GRACE” for whatever lies ahead~

Thank you so much for your love and support…you’ve loved my family and me so well!

Filed Under: His Grace Abounds - Original Blog · Tagged With: Breast Cancer, Daily Life, Local Church, Ministry

Gratitude as the Pathway to Joy

March 23, 2016 by Brooke ·

Tomorrow is my last radiation treatment.* I am so excited to ring the bell tomorrow to mark this huge milestone in my journey.

and WOW what a journey this has been!

To be real-The last three weeks have been very difficult for me. The fatigue has been crippling and has affected every area of my life. Let’s just say I’ve been in survival mode.

I must admit I’ve struggled in these last few weeks to find joy. Yesterday, I sat down in the kitchen, tired and frustrated at my weakened state, as I put my head in my hands and literally asked the Lord to HELP me have joy. And right away He reminded me that JOY is a byproduct of GRATITUDE. So I asked God to help me to have a heart of gratitude.

1 Thessalonians 5:18 says: “Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.”

God’s will for my life is gratitude. In every season. In every circumstance.

I’m reminded of a book I read several years ago which was life-changing for me. I think I need to read it again.

Ann Voskamp says in “1000 Gifts”:

“A life contemplating the blessings of Christ becomes a life acting the love of Christ.”

I want to really live like this. Not just talk about living like this. I realize that I was allowing my fatigue to rob me of my grateful heart.

Yesterday on the kitchen floor reminded me that there is always, ALWAYS something to be thankful for.

And right then and there, I looked up and the first thing I saw was a basket of overflowing laundry. Laundry that should have been folded and put away days ago. I thanked God for the basket of overflowing laundry. Instead of complaining in my heart about not having the energy to fold the clothes, my perspective to shifted to one of gratitude. “Thank you, Lord, that we have baskets full of clothes to wear. Thank you Lord for the family members that you’ve blessed me with that wear these clothes. Thank You Lord for a washer and dryer. Thank you, Lord, for the overflowing baskets of clothes.”

In 1000 Gifts, Ann Voskamp describes writing down 1000 blessings in a gratitude journal. A couple of years ago when I had busy days of three littles at home, I realized I wanted to grow in the discipline of gratitude.

So I took a basic journal, opened it up and left it on the kitchen counter throughout the day. I numbered God’s gifts- a funny comment from a child, a song that ministered to my heart, or simply the way the sunlight fell across the hardwood floor.

It takes practice to see things through different eyes.

gratitude list circa 2014

As I look through this old journal from two years ago, I’m reminded of the importance of chronicling gratitude.

When I need the Lord to restore my joy, I will chronicle some things I am grateful for here. (I’m starting at # 89 because I left off at # 88 in my journal two years ago.)

Maybe soon I’ll have my own list of 1000 gifts.

Brooke’s 1000 Gifts (in no particular order)

88. Grateful to have hair, and getting used to wearing the short new style out in public.

89. Beautiful flowers from friends today

90. My parents that help in so many big and little ways

91. The world’s best next-door neighbors; lazy afternoons talking with Lauren talking in my den while the kids are playing upstairs or taking the kids to the park. I cherish these days

92. My supportive and understanding husband who knew how much I needed to rest Saturday, so he took the children to the gym in the morning so I could rest and have quiet time with the Lord.

93. thankful that we found the cancer before it had spread to other organs. Even one month later could have a made a big difference

94. new mercies every day, like the beautiful sunrise I saw today as I took the children to school. The sun looked like a huge bright orange ball in the sky.

95. encouragement from a woman at church who has walked through difficult physical suffering~ she listens and allows me to be real and conversations with her always uplift me

96. the girls singing “And Can it Be” tonight after bath time. One of my favorite old hymns.

97. a phone call with my sister today

98. MY LAST DAY OF RADIATION TOMORROW!!!!!!!!!!!!

I could keep going……and I will in another post, or in my journal privately.

My joy has been restored, by opening my eyes to God’s gifts.

If you need your joy resurrected, why don’t you try it? All it takes is a pen, journal, and eyes to see God’s gifts.

*I was initially scheduled to finish tomorrow, Maundy Thursday. Then my final treatment got shifted to Monday. I was bummed because I was looking forward to being finished by Easter. Today at my appointment, my doctor said I could have two treatments in one day if they were 6 hours apart. So tomorrow I’ll have a treatment at 9:30am, and my FINAL TREATMENT at 4:30pm tomorrow! I’m so excited!! Thank you Lord for bringing me THIS FAR!!

Filed Under: His Grace Abounds - Original Blog · Tagged With: 1000 Gifts, Radiation

Lessons from a Life Well Lived

March 10, 2016 by Brooke ·

One month ago today, Stacy Sawyer met her precious Savior and reunited with her beloved son.

A few days later, I sat in a familiar pew, in an overflowing Sanctuary to celebrate the life of a woman whose life taught me so much.

Left behind are so many who miss her; especially her family and closest friends. I feel somewhat unqualified to write about this dear sister-in-Christ; but I have felt so led to honor her by sharing a two lessons that I learned through Stacy’s life well lived.

1) Your influence extends beyond what you imagine.

A short four years ago is when my life first intersected with Stacy’s. Our friendship grew, but our time together was usually in group settings. I believe we only had two one-on-one conversations that lasted more than five minutes. But over these last four years, I was watching her and learning from her, mostly from a distance. She was the type of person that drew others in by her charismatic personality, and ability to make a friend wherever she went.

Sometimes I believe that in order to influence another person’s life, a great deal of one on one time must be invested. God does call us to those types of relationships, of course, with our children, family, and specific people we are called to pour into. However, I’m learning that my influence extends far beyond these people that I’m intentionally meeting with regularly or even leading in bible study groups.

I am reminded by Stacy’s life that people are watching and God can use your life and mine to touch others just by living a winsome life in Christ.

2) Through Jesus, pain and suffering can transform a family and a community.

Stacy taught me that the most painful parts of life can be conduits of meaningful transformation.

About 11 years ago, Stacy and her husband, Scott suffered a devastating loss. Their son Cole, at age 11 passed away after battling cancer.

Through the years of knowing Stacy, it became evident that Cole’s death, although devastating, changed their family for the better, as Stacy and the family drew strength from Jesus, and grew in their faith through the experience. As I heard Stacy’s niece share at the memorial service, it was evident that Cole’s death had a beautiful ripple effect through their family, even through many tears.

God impressed a new truth on my heart at Stacy’s memorial service. I don’t believe I’m overstating this, but I believe that non only did Stacy Sawyer’s life, and the suffering she and her family endured change their family, but it also transformed the entire community.

Stacy not only beautifully poured out her life to serving her family. Stacy reflected the character of Jesus as a steadfast pursuer of people. She invited others into what was meaningful. Stacy invited, invited, and invited to women’s bible studies and events. Many women know Christ more because of her life.

Not only did she serve the local church, but sought out ways to bless the community. She was a soccer mom who touched lives even on the sidelines of soccer games. She served with great passion at Camp Kemo, an organization dedicated to serving children with cancer.

As I saw hundreds upon hundreds (maybe even close to a thousand) gather to remember Stacy’s life, I considered how many people each of those people intersected with in their daily life. And it occurred to me that God provides people.. people like Stacy Sawyer… who are vessels of grace to change the landscape of a person’s heart; a family; and even a community.

Stacy’s influence will life on in the lives of those she touched, and I know that God will continue to water the seeds of grace she planted in many lives.

Please join me in continuing to pray for Stacy’s family as they grieve the loss of this precious woman.

Also, if you feel led, please post here in the comments or in the Facebook post a lesson that Stacy taught you through her life. I will compile these responses and share with her daughters.

Filed Under: His Grace Abounds - Original Blog · Tagged With: Local Church, Ministry

Radiation~ The Daily Routine

February 22, 2016 by Brooke ·

Radiation is going great so far. 11 treatments down, 23 more to go!

I frequently get asked questions about radiation. It seems a bit more mysterious than chemotherapy, and not as many people understand it. I had no idea what to expect!

This post is to uncover some of the mystery behind radiation treatments. Of course, I can only speak on my experience of chest/breast radiation for breast cancer. I figured I would share a little about what it’s like on this post – both to educate you, the reader, and also to help someone who is going through cancer who may stumble upon this blog (or you may forward this to friends you know who have radiation in their future!)

First – what is radiation and why radiation?

Mayo clinic says: Radiation therapy for breast cancer uses high-powered X-rays to kill cancer cells. Rapidly growing cells, such as cancer cells, are more susceptible to the effects of radiation therapy than are normal cells. Radiation therapy may be used to treat breast cancer at almost every stage. It’s an effective way to reduce your risk of breast cancer recurring after surgery. It can also help control the spread of breast cancer .

I will have 34 total treatments. I go every weekday, Monday through Friday. My radiation treatments take place in the North Tower of Lexington Medical Center and my appointment time is 9:30 which works well with my schedule. After getting the three children off to school (Samuel and Selah in Kindergarten and Hannah in preschool), I make the 30-40 min drive to LMC.

Daily, I enter the radiation oncology area at LMC, and check in by entering my last 4 digits of my SSN into a computer.

I go straight back to the female locker room and exchange my shirt for my beautiful (haha) pink gown. Then I go sit in the female waiting area. This is my favorite part, because I get to connect with other women who are going through radiation. It’s a special sisterhood – as we all sit there in our pink gowns.

I get to see mostly the same women each day, and we always catch up on how we’re doing, how many treatments we have left. I usually only have to wait here 5-10 minutes at the most.

Then, it’s my turn. One of the technicians comes to get me, and I follow her into the room with the radiation machine. I take my right arm out of my gown, lay on a table with my arms above me, head turned to the left, and the technicians make adjustments. The machine is a big cream/grey machine that rotates all around me. I must lie perfectly still. I cannot feel anything, other than sometimes my right arm gets very sore in that position (they say it is due to the lymph node surgery on that side).

I’m usually only on the table 15-20 minutes. I have come to really love the technicians also, as I usually see the same ones daily. One in particualar I have connected with over our mutual love for New York City!

After my treatment is over, I go change back into my clothes, and apply a prescribed steroid cream over the treated area, that is supposed to help prevent burning.

As I make my way back to my car, I thank God for another one down and jump back into “life as usual”. Ministry/work, pick up children from school, homework, family time, dinner, bedtime!

The side effects of radiation are most commonly fatigue and skin burns. I have been struggling with fatigue since before radiation but thankfully I have not noticed that it is any worse since starting these treatments. My skin is holding up well so far. The side effects are cumulative, so I continue to pray that they will be minimal.

If you have any questions, feel free to ask! As you probably know by now, I’m pretty open to talking about any of my experiences.

I am so grateful for your prayers. Please pray that the side effects would be minimal as I continue in these treatments. Please continue to pray for “divine appointments” at my treatments. And finally I could use prayers for balance in my life as I’m feeling very stretched thin in many areas these days, as radiation takes up about 2 hours each day (considering drive time).

I’m thankful that God continues to mold me, shape me, and refine me through this journey. He has truly carried me.
Yesterday in church, our pastor referenced James 1:2-3 “ Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness.”

He said “you don’t count it joy because of the trial, but because of what the trial is doing”. I think I even said “Amen” aloud because that is what this is all about!
His grace abounds through cancer…

through chemotherapy, hair loss, loss of strenth, surgery, another surgery, radiation, and everything in between…His grace abounds because this trial, this testing is DOING SOMETHING. The pain has a purpose. That, my friends, gets me excited. (What the trial is doing, not the trial itself).

So whatever you’re going through today, remember that there’s a God who cares, and He can give you hope in the hard.

If you know someone with a recent cancer diagnosis who is facing radiation treatments, maybe this post could help shed some light on what it’s like.

Filed Under: His Grace Abounds - Original Blog · Tagged With: Breast Cancer, Radiation

The Divine Romancer

February 14, 2016 by Brooke ·

Everyone loves a great love story.

In October 2003, a great love story began.

A clean cut young man at the office caught the attention of my dad.

At the time, love was the last thing on my mind. I was living overseas, working on an acquisition integration team of a large corporation. My weeks were full with work, my weekends full with travel.

In October I came back to the States for a visit, to take a class for work and see family. It was during this visit that my dad decided to play matchmaker. An invitation issued and accepted, and I found myself awkwardly introducing myself to a stranger on my parents porch.

But it wasn’t awkward for long.

As the night progressed, my mind started running away from me. I mentally put my first name with his last, and thought it sounded right. Everything just clicked and I felt sure that he was feeling the same way…

Up until the time when we went to say goodbye. No request for my phone number, or email, or even a hug. All I got was a handshake and a stand-offish “nice to meet you”.

The next day, I returned to Austria, confused. Surely, I couldn’t have been THAT wrong about my feelings, or his, or how well the first date (a bind date, at my parents house), despite the unique circumstances, felt so right.

A couple of days later, he asked for my email address from my dad at work, and the rest, as they say, is history. Come to find out, he was cautious about how a relationship would work between a gal living in Europe and a guy living in South Carolina.

I’m so glad this small town guy took a risk on this girl with a touch of wanderlust.

Over the next year, we got to know each other through countless emails and phone calls first, then weekend visits. Eventually I moved from Austria to Atlanta, then ultimately back to Columbia. Nineteen months after that awkward first encounter, we were married.

——————————————-

I’m so thankful for the gift of romantic love; for the gift of my husband. The love we share points us to a Perfect Love from a Perfect Pursuer.

This Perfect Pursuer chased my own heart for years. Many many years before He captured it fully. Many years I affirmed my love for Him, but it was artificial. Superficial.

But God didn’t give up. He kept pursuing.

And finally, in 2006 I surrendered to His pursuit, and fell deep into His oceans of grace.

I was His, and He was mine.

——————————————-

This morning I was talking with a precious friend at church, and with tears in her eyes she shared how God was moving so much in her life. It took me back to those early days when I first fully surrendered my life to the Lord. I saw myself in her and could nearly feel how exciting and overwhelmed she was feeling.

Valentines Day is the perfect opportunity to consider God’s love.

God the Father is constantly pursuing us into a deeper love relationship with Him.

As God pursues our heart, we cannot remain indifferent. His pursuit requires a response. The response of surrender is “Yes, Lord”.

Have you entered this love relationship with the Father? Has there ever been a time in your life which you surrendered yourself fully to Him? If you are unsure, I would love to talk with you or email with you about what this means.

If you sense His loving voice beckoning you to surrender your life, DON’T WAIT!Today can be the day of salvation~ the day you enter into the greatest love story of your life!

If you already have a relationship with the Lord, how is Christ pursuing your heart today? How are you responding to His pursuit?

Something I’ve been pondering lately is that in everything ~ in the good of life, the hard, the painful, and the joyful~ in ALL things, the Divine Romancer is pursuing our heart. His ultimate goal is to captivate more and more of our heart as we love him more. Many times he uses the sweetest parts of life to beckon us to Himself. He also uses the difficult seasons to draw us closer, refine us and rid us from heart idols that rob our affection for Him.

It’s been helpful for me to ask myself this question when I have a difficult circumstance, or a trying time especially “How is the Divine Romancer pursuing me through this? How can this circumstance serve to draw me nearer to Him?”

I recently read some writing from a twenty-somthething student at Fuller Seminary. This stirred my soul~ may it stir yours today “Seeking God means letting my yearning heart meet His yearning heart. It’s a beautiful interaction between two lovers. I don’t reach out to get His attention or win His affection. I reach out to meet His loving gaze. I don’t seek Him to stir His heart, I seek Him to encounter His passion for me that’s already burning in His heart.”

If you feel stagnant in your pursuit of God, remember back to a time in your Christian walk that you had a greater passion to know Him and love Him more. Consider this question~ what are the things in life which stir my affections for HIm? Is it nature? Is it solitude in His Word? Is it writing or music? Is it spending time sharing with friends who love the Lord? Or maybe it is through serving those in need.

Ask yourself – what are the things in life which stir your affections for him? He has made each of us perfectly unique, so what stirs your affection for Him is likely different from mine. Make sure your daily schedule has margin to incorporate the things that stir your affection for the Lord.

Author AW Tozer says in “The Pursuit of God” (one of my favorite books, by the way) “To have found God and still to pursue Him is the soul’s paradox of love” Ponder that for a bit in the quiet spaces in your afternoon.

Today is Valentine’s Day, and whether or not you have a “Valentine” to share this day with, if you have faith in Christ, you have a Divine Valentine. Jesus is the lover of our soul; a Divine Romancer who pursues you with His love, grace, beauty, mercy, goodness, perfection.

Allow Him to stir your soul, and then, by His grace, actively listen to Him, overflow the truth of the Gospel, and continue to follow Him, wherever He leads.

“For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans 8:38-39

Filed Under: His Grace Abounds - Original Blog · Tagged With: Marriage, Writing

5 down, 29 to go

February 13, 2016 by Brooke ·

A quick radiation update:

My first full week of radiation is complete!

Compared to chemo, radiation has been very easy to tolerate. The treatments themselves are not painful. It’s basically laying perfectly still on a big grey machine that rotates all around me. I can’t feel anything while it’s happening. I’m usually in and out in 20 minutes.

I have been more tired this week, and my skin is getting pink. There is a lotion that I apply after each treatment.

My last day of radiation is Thursday, March 24.

5 down, 29 to go!

Thank you so much for your continued prayers.

Filed Under: His Grace Abounds - Original Blog · Tagged With: Radiation

Let’s continue to journey together…

February 3, 2016 by Brooke ·

April 21, 2015

It was a Tuesday. The day before, I had a mammogram (my very first), then an ultrasound, then a biopsy of three areas of “concern” in my right breast.

Tuesday afternoon, I was in my car when I got “the call”. I remember the call like it was yesterday. The kind nurse on the other end of the phone said those words…”It’s cancer”. She then shared that she had prayed for me before picking up the phone to make that call. She didn’t have to say that. As a matter of fact, she could probably get in trouble for saying that. But she took the time to pray for me, at that time an unknown patient, and then had the guts to TELL me she prayed for me.

It was a kiss from heaven to remind me, as my world was shattering all around me, when life felt out of control, that there was someOne still in control.

I don’t remember much else from the phone call. In the moments after I put the phone down, all I could think of was my three sweet children and husband.

In those moments, cancer went from a terrible disease that happened to other people, to a world-rocking diagnosis that could possibly leave my children motherless and my husband a single dad of three young children.

My emotions were all over the place in those first few days, but I remember so clearly feeling so called to walk this journey publicly. I felt so called to write and share what God could do through cancer. I clung to the promise that He could use it for good (Romans 8:28).

Throughout this entire journey, I’ve clung with all my might to the “story beneath the story”. It’s the unseen story~ the story of FAITH that God is writing in my life and the lives of those I love. Cancer is merely one of God’s instruments to write this “story beneath the story” in my life.

Cancer? That’s the seen story. It’s the temporal story. It’s real, but it’s not the most important story that God is writing here. My God is using this terrible disease in so many amazing ways. Beauty from ashes. I hope I’m clear in sharing those glimpses of His abounding grace. The faith story is eternal. It’s what I want to focus on – not just through cancer but through all of life. I can so easily forget where to fix my eyes – and as soon as I start looking at my circumstances, I SINK!

By God’s grace, and Lord-willing, it appears that the final stretch of this seen story ~ my cancer journey~ is nearing an end. Seven weeks of radiation, starting Monday, and every three week herceptin treatments till early May. Then scans every so often, a daily pill for five years. And this seen story draws to a close.

But as long as I’m drawing breath, the unseen story – the story of faith continues. And I want to keep writing and sharing this. Not to draw attention to ME, or MY story – but to the One who is writing ALL of our stories.

I have a passion to inspire and encourage women in the trenches of life~ whether it’s a woman feeling stretched thin in the grind of life; a friend whose heart is tender and vulnerable in a difficult season or waiting, a mother struggling to find her purpose, or a sister in Christ who is walking her own story of suffering. I’ve been this woman and I long to listen, and say “yes, me too”.

I have a passion to remind my readers that through a relationship with Jesus there is purpose behind the pain, goodness in the grime of life, mission in motherhood, opportunities in the ordinary, joy in the journey, a Savior in your suffering.

Many days, I write simply to remind myself.

As the Lord closes the chapter entitled “cancer”, I will continue to write as the Lord continues to teach me, mold me, encourage me and draw me deeper into His loving arms.

My words, I pray, point to THE Word ~ Jesus, the Word made flesh. My words are just an expression of who He is to me….just one imperfect woman seeking to be an extravagant worshipper with my life…one woman, just like you, covered in His abounding grace seeking to Know the Grace-giver, and make Him known.

Will you read along, friends? Let’s continue to journey together.

(From Exodus 15~ portions from my chronological daily reading this morning)..My soul swells in worship to who God is! He defeats all enemies~ Pharaoh’s army, cancer, and the ultimate enemy- satan!

2The Lord is my strength and my song,
    and he has become my salvation;
this is my God, and I will praise him,
    my father’s God, and I will exalt him.

6 Your right hand, O Lord, glorious in power,
    your right hand, O Lord, shatters the enemy.
7 In the greatness of your majesty you overthrow your adversaries;
    you send out your fury; it consumes them like stubble.

9 The enemy said, ‘I will pursue, I will overtake,
    I will divide the spoil, my desire shall have its fill of them.
    I will draw my sword; my hand shall destroy them.’
11 “Who is like you, O Lord, among the gods?
    Who is like you, majestic in holiness,
    awesome in glorious deeds, doing wonders?

13 “You have led in your steadfast love the people whom you have redeemed;
    you have guided them by your strength to your holy abode.

17 You will bring them in and plant them on your own mountain,
    the place, O Lord, which you have made for your abode,
    the sanctuary, O Lord, which your hands have established.
18 The Lord will reign forever and ever.”

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yes.

Filed Under: His Grace Abounds - Original Blog · Tagged With: Breast Cancer, Daily Life, Ministry, Writing

Radiation Update

January 30, 2016 by Brooke ·

This week the radiation oncologist will finalize my radiation plan, and on Friday, February 5th I’ll go for my “trial run”. This is where they get the machine lined up and I’ll get my permanent markings which is how they make sure the machine is in the right place each time.

I will have 34 treatments (not 35 as I thought). It will be just at 7 weeks, Monday through Friday.

I’m told that my first radiation treatment will be on Monday, February 8. I don’t have the time yet. My daily radiation treatment will be at the same time each day, and I’ll choose my time based one what is available when I go in this Friday.

Starting on February 8th, puts me finishing on Maundy Thursday…the day before Good Friday! What a good Friday that will be for me! It’s such a sweet “kiss from Heaven” that the Lord scheduled it that way.

The most common side effects are fatigue and burning of the skin. I already struggle with fatigue, especially in the late afternoons/evenings, so I will probably have to go to bed even earlier. Even though I’m five months out from chemo, I find I still need much more sleep these days. My body is still recovering from chemo and two surgeries.

I appreciate your prayers as I enter this final phase of treatment!

Here are my prayers:

~Many “divine appointments” at my radiation appointments….that I would get to know some of the other ladies in the waiting room who I will see every day

~That the side effects are minimal

~That the Lord helps me keep my eyes focused on Him

To close, a bit of encouragement, for whatever circumstances you are going through today. “God’s plans for your life far exceed the circumstances of your day!” (Louie Giglio)

Filed Under: His Grace Abounds - Original Blog · Tagged With: Breast Cancer, Radiation

A New Song for the Final Stretch

January 23, 2016 by Brooke ·

On my 35th birthday, two months before I heard “It’s Cancer”, I sat on a bed in a Midtown NYC hotel room, bible and journal spread open in front of me. My husband decided to go workout, and I decided to use that sliver of down time for some quiet time.

Just me and the Lord.

I wrote “Father this is the first day of my new year with You. Every year of life with You is sweeter than the one before. Each year is an opportunity to KNOW You more fully and therefore LOVE You more completely. Father God, I give you this upcoming year of my life, and the days that are ahead of me. What is ahead for this coming year?”

Snowed in for my 35th bday

Yesterday I drove once more to Lexington Medical Center. This day as I drove, a cold icy rain was falling from the grey clouds, which reflected my mood.

My heart was heavy. The weariness of this journey is beginning to set in.

It truly does feel like a marathon.

As I made my way down I-77, to I-277, to I-20, to I-26 (yes, four interstates!) my mind began to wander towards the similarities of the cancer journey and a marathon race. As I’m nearing the final stretch, discouragement and weariness can easily set in. In the running world, it’s called “hitting the wall”.

My final stretch of radiation is upcoming, and instead of looking back at the many ways God has proved faithful, I’m tempted to look ahead at this final stretch and just want to quit. I guess this is called hitting the “cancer wall”

Really, I’m just over it.

My appointment yesterday was a “radiation planning” appointment, where they took pictures, made measurements, and made some lovely blue X markings on me). As I scurried to my car after the appointment was over, hot tears finally escaped and mixed with the icy rain.

As I drove home, grieving all that cancer has taken from me, I had a little chat with the Lord.

“Abba Daddy, I’m just tired. I’m ready for this race to be over. I want to stop running. And Lord, how do I know that the race really will be over soon? What if it extends beyond what I’m expecting? God this feels like a marathon I didn’t sign up for! At least marathoners get a chance to train for their long race! No one would sign up for a marathon without training for it. I feel like you dropped me on the starting line of this cancer race, and the explosion of the gun rang in my ears as I stumbled across the starting line; looking around in this unfamiliar race.”

The fact is, no one signs up for this difficult race. The fact is, no one would choose to run this course.

As I turned up the worship music, the Lord spoke to me in the most gentle way.

“my daughter, I did prepare you. You’re right, you didn’t train for this marathon. I TRAINED YOU.”

In my minds eye, I could picture myself at my dining room table early in the morning over His Word…coffee and journal nearby. I saw the people He has put in my life to speak words of truth and sharpen me, encourage and correct me. I saw the bible studies, and conferences, and Sunday services I attended…soaking in His truth and promises. I could almost see my soul being strengthened as HE did the hard work of training this weak soul for the race that was to come.

I think about that with a smile…that GOD KNEW. I look back on my journals and it’s so clear He was preparing me for the race. Only I didn’t know that He has already signed me up for this marathon.

“What is ahead for this coming year?” I wrote as I looked ahead to my 36th year.

I’m so thankful I didn’t know, because I would have run the other direction, like Jonah did when confronted with his difficult task (and we know how that turned out!).

As I’ve reflected on how far God has brought me, and how He has always been faithful, my sorrow cannot help but turn to joy. I’m thankful today that He has drawn me up, once more, out of the pit of destruction (the pit that looks more at my CIRCUMSTANCES than at my GOD). I’m thankful that His Grace Abounds – to me….as I run this race SO imperfectly. His Grace Abounds as I stumble, and look to the left and right and envy others’ races. His Grace Abounds as He reminds me that MY RACE MATTERS. Its so that many would “see and fear and put their trust in the Lord.” (Psalm 40:3)

In these weary moments, He woos me once more to where it all began – His Word – His precious promises – His steadfast love and faithfulness. And He puts a new song in my mouth. He removes the song of weariness, and self-pity, and discouragement, and puts a new song that only He can write.

This is a new song for the last leg of the race.

It’s a song of praise to our God!

These last few miles, it’s this song that will keep me going, though my legs grow weary.

From Psalm 40

I waited patiently for the Lord;
    he inclined to me and heard my cry.
2 He drew me up from the pit of destruction,
    out of the miry bog,
and set my feet upon a rock,
    making my steps secure.
3 He put a new song in my mouth,
    a song of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear,
    and put their trust in the Lord.

4 Blessed is the {WOMAN} who makes
    the Lord {HER} trust…
5 You have multiplied, O Lord my God,
    your wondrous deeds and your thoughts toward us;
    none can compare with you!
I will proclaim and tell of them,
    yet they are more than can be told.

9 I have told the glad news of deliverance
    in the great congregation;
behold, I have not restrained my lips,
    as you know, O Lord.
10 I have not hidden your deliverance within my heart;
    I have spoken of your faithfulness and your salvation;
I have not concealed your steadfast love and your faithfulness
    from the great congregation.

11 As for you, O Lord, you will not restrain
    your mercy from me;
your steadfast love and your faithfulness will
    ever preserve me!
12 For evils have encompassed me
    beyond number;
my iniquities have overtaken me,
    and I cannot see;
they are more than the hairs of my head;
    my heart fails me.

13 Be pleased, O Lord, to deliver me!
    O Lord, make haste to help me!
14 Let those be put to shame and disappointed altogether
    who seek to snatch away my life;
let those be turned back and brought to dishonor
    who delight in my hurt!
15 Let those be appalled because of their shame
    who say to me, “Aha, Aha!”

16 But may all who seek you
rejoice and be glad in you;
may those who love your salvation
say continually, “Great is the Lord!”

Filed Under: His Grace Abounds - Original Blog · Tagged With: Breast Cancer, Daily Life, Writing

January 2016 Update

January 17, 2016 by Brooke ·

Hi friends!

Thank you for continuing to pray for me. Although there is so much on my heart to share about faith and life and hope and JESUS- tonight I feel led to simply share an update.

I have not started radiation yet.

This Tuesday, January 19th at 8am I meet with my radiation oncologist for a consultation. This will “get the ball rolling” for my radiation treatments. I hope to get a start date at this appointment on Tuesday, but I know that there are some things to do before I can start (get markings done for where the radiation will be, etc). Last I heard, I will have 7 weeks of radiation, which is 35 treatments (everyday M-F). From what I hear, the radiation side effects are minimal (“a walk in the park compared to chemo” is what a nurse told me). Fatigue which is cumulative, and possible burning of the skin which can be mostly prevented with some skin cream. Each treatment will be 15-20 minutes.

I am ready to get started so I can start checking off the treatments! I am also praying for the people that I will encounter each day at my treatments. Since I will likely go the same time each day for seven weeks straight, I’ll likely see the same people many times. I pray God uses me to be an encouragement, maybe even hear some of the other patients stories and share hope, or even just a smile.

Please pray that God schedules “divine appointments” at my radiation appointments. That is a huge prayer request because in my flesh I feel like so much of my day will be WASTED during these weeks going back and forth from Lexington Medical (in my already full life)- when I lift up my eyes to Jesus, He reminds me that NOTHING is wasted, and my fullest ministry during these weeks may not be from the church or in my home, but rather in the waiting room. Who knows what God has planned. I just pray I’m sensitive to His still small voice.

My hair is growing back. I’m not quite ready for the world to see it yet! It’s SHORT but I’m thankful to have hair again. Hopefully by summer I’ll feel ready for the world to see my new ‘do!

I continue to have herceptin treatments, and will continue until April. These are every three weeks, and target the Her2 protein. There are minimal side effects- usually I’m just very tired on the days surrounding my herceptin infusion.

Most days seem pretty normal these days, for which I’m so thankful. I’m ready to put this chapter behind me,although I want to squeeze every bit of what God wants to teach me through this season. Although I’m tempted to rush to the end of this chapter, I realize that God still has me right here for a reason. I’m thankful for a new year and new mercies!

As I’ve turned the page into a new year, I’ve done quite a bit of reflecting.

Both 2014 and 2015 were major years in my life, in very different ways. If I could summarize these two years of my life, it would be this: “His grace abounds in the scary steps of faith, and His grace abounds in the painful pauses of suffering”.

I look ahead to 2016 and wonder – in what ways will I see His grace abound this year?

I look forward to watching His grace abound in 2016 and beyond.

Thank you for your prayers, and thank you for walking this journey with me!

Filed Under: His Grace Abounds - Original Blog · Tagged With: Breast Cancer, Hair Loss, Ministry, Radiation