A few things I’ve learned about grief:
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Grief cannot be predicted or fixed. Grief cannot be compartmentalized or controlled. Grief reveals the importance of a life and reflects the depth of a love…a love that is separated by space and time. But not forever.
#godyouarefaithful #hopeinsuffering #hisgracestillabounds #wemisshim #theendisgood
Yesterday was six months without him. Six months feels like too long on this earth without the one whom my soul loves.
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The truths I learned this weekend through Nancy Guthrie at the “Even Better than Eden” conference are continuing to sink deeper into my soul and be a balm to my hurting heart.
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Three major take aways from the conference this past weekend: 1) God does His best work with empty because then He can fill that emptiness with Himself. 2) we learn through Paul that through Christ it IS possible to have contentment in the wilderness of this world. His grace is sufficient for me. He will allow enough grace to endure 3) The new creation that we eagerly await is actually breaking through into the here and now as God provides an abundant, all satisfying life here as the power of Christ rests on me in my weakness.
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So much still to process. As I miss Justin, and fight cancer (had chemo yesterday with another reaction…), and mother three grieving children- I do eagerly await that time when “He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.” (Revelation 21:4)
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Until then, I sing: “Guide me O though great Jehovah, pilgrim through this barren land. I am weak, but though art mighty; Hold me with thy powerful hand. Bread of heaven, bread of heaven, feed me till I want no more. Feed me till I want no more.” (William Williams, 1745)
“How precious is your steadfast love, O God!
The children of mankind take refuge in the shadow of your wings.
They feast on the abundance of your house,
and you give them drink from the river of your delights. For with you is the fountain of life;
in your light do we see light.” Psalm 36:7-9
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Sharing some joy-filled moments from January! #dontmissthegood #godyouarefaithful
Yesterday we celebrated the good news and great joy of God coming to dwell with us in the midst of our brokenness.
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Yesterday was one of the toughest days of my life, celebrating Christmas with a huge hole in my heart. I tried to hide it, but it was tough.
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One day later we celebrate some great news from the doctor this morning. The CT scan showed ALL cancerous areas reduced and they did not see anything in the breast at all! My oncologist was very encouraged!! The best Christmas gift!! We will continue on this current treatment and scan again in a couple months. Praising the Lord! Please continue to pray that God would heal me completely and allow me to live a long life to raise my children and share His hope.
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“Praise the Lord!
Oh give thanks to the Lord, for he is good,
for his steadfast love endures forever!” Psalm 106:1
“The King of Kings lay thus in lowly manger
In all our trials born to be our friend.
He knows our need, our weakness is no stranger.
Behold your King, before Him lowly bend.
Behold your King, before Him lowly bend”
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These lyrics from my favorite Christmas carol (O Holy Night) have never meant more to me than Christmas 2018. In the season where the world puts their picture perfect moments into the world, I’m reminded that it’s in our weakness that we can best know our Savior. These words touched me to the core last night as we sang them in the Christmas Eve service: “Behold, your King, before Him lowly bend”. It’s our humility He desires- and as we Behold our King, we see Him stooping to meet us. This thought just makes me weep with worship, especially this year as I have been brought lower than I ever thought imaginable.
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Whatever lies ahead, may we all see and savor our King- the Suffering Savior, the Christ child more fully in 2019.
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Merry Christmas, love Team Turner
This stocking has wrecked me. So many bits of Christmas have made me lose my breath with grief, but none more than this stocking. I cannot look at it without crying. I woke up this morning and one of the children had hung it on the tree. We are all trying to figure this out, and there is no handbook for a first Christmas without the one who held a huge part of your heart.
An update before I crash into bed-
1) thank you for praying for chemo today. I and the medical team really needed those prayers as I had an allergic / drug sensitivity reaction to the Carboplatin. This happened once before with a different medicine and it is extremely scary. My throat was closing up, I couldn’t breathe and my hands and feet were furiously itching. I had my eyes closed praying during the wort of it, and I opened my eyes and saw so many staff surrounding me,helping. I was given some meds, put on oxygen and just had to wait. Finally things turned around and I could breathe normally again. But I was (am!) berry groggy from the high doses of benedryl.
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2) My next scan is a CT scan scheduled for 12/26/18. I’m thankful it’s after Christmas Day. I’m doing this scan in Columbia. I’m not sure when I’ll return to TX. My oncologist here communicates very well with my oncologist in TX.
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3) cold capping is working, but there is some thinning as you can see in the photo of prayer warriors praying over me. (I LOVE this picture so much. So many of these ladies taught me to pray!). Cold capping is a recently FDA treatment that allows cancer patients a way to keep their hair by constricting blood vessels to the hair follicles, preventing the chemo to make its way to the follicle. I really struggled and was so prayerful for the decision. I’ll share a little more of my struggle with this decision and what it’s like in my newsletter.
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4) speaking of my newsletter, I have started “Raising Ebenezers”- an email newsletter. I have yet to decide on the frequency but will develop a rhythm in time. if you would like to be added please comment here. It may take me a little bit to do everyone. The fastest way is to go *on a desktop* to my Facebook page “Brooke Turner Cancer Journey” and clicknon the link under the profile pic that says “let’s be email friends”. Fill out the form and boom you’re in.
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I thank God for you! My faithful prayer warriors- this verse is what I’m praying over each of you in whatever season you’re in.
“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope.”
Its pretty impossible to look at this and not praise the Lord for His faithfulness. There are so many God stories, one of which being the story of how my sister and her family moved across the street from our family. God saved the perfect home for them. We will be telling of His faithfulness and how God has carried our family through deepest waters for generations. #teamturnerfisher #hisgracestillabounds #theendisgood
Christmas 2018-
Some ornaments make me smile; many make me cry. I shared the words below on December 2, 2016. It is only by His grace that I am able to say God is still faithful. Although the middle of this journey is exceedingly difficult, I am still confident that the end is good.
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(Written 12/2/16)
My socked feet pad down the staircase, flanked with lit garland. I glance to the right and see a tree so large it takes up nearly half of our front room; a gift from my parents who no longer needed a tree that large.
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My eyes land on one of my favorite ornaments, a simple wooden ornament framing our family. It was from three years ago, when my hair was long and cancer was just a disease other people got. My mind drifts to years earlier, before cancer, before twins and then one more.
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Christmases where I wondered if we would ever have little hands touching the tree; excited feet scurrying to see what Santa brought.
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I’m so grateful for this family; for these children. I’m so grateful to be here with them. But what I’ve learned is that these joys point to the true joy; the “holding on past expectation” Hope Pastor Ropp preached about last Sunday. All earthly joy points to heavenly joy, of which we cannot even comprehend.
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I guess what I’m trying to say is that through Christ, no matter how your story ends, it’s going to be good. Better than good. Better than your wildest expectation. Ephesians 3:20 #turnerredemptionhouse #holdingontohope
“The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end;
they are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness. “The Lord is my portion,” says my soul,
“therefore I will hope in him.” Lamentations 3:22-24
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Remembering Thanksgiving throughout the years. Feeling so grateful for the years we shared, and feeling the deep ache of missing him today especially. Thank you to so many for your prayers and messages today. The sunset tonight was absolutely stunning. It was another reminder that I do not walk alone. God sees and knows my pain, and He is faithful through it all.
